Saturday, November 3, 2007

Why We Aren't Invited to More Weddings

We went to a wedding today. It was a really lovely service and reception. It's a nice reminder looking at two young people in love about why you chose and married your own spouse in the first place, and trust me, you need as many of these reminders that you can get in your marriage because a lot more of it is hard work than cake and punch. (Can I get an Amen?)

We decided to leave the baby with Nana (because she's insane--Lily not the Nana) and took the older three who were very well behaved. They couldn't resist whispering questions throughout the service, though. It's confusing business after all.

The best questions of the afternoon came from Carter Big Boy. Every two minutes he leaned over and asked, "Is it time for them to kiss yet? When are they getting to the kissing?" Finally, exasperated, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands out, "Is he ever going to kiss her?"

The groom is a Marine and was married in his uniform, which the kids hadn't ever seen before. So, Carter wanted to know "if Koby is a good guy or a bad guy?" Then he wanted to know "why doesn't he have on his tux-me-dough".

But the best statement had to be "well, I don't think that I'll wear one of those when I marry you, Mom." (He's probably right because he'll still be wearing the Batman costume.)

Being at the wedding reminded me of a couple of Funnies:

A few years ago we took the twins when they were around 4-yrs-old to a Catholic wedding. My cousin was getting married at the Catholic church, and behind the pulpit hung the biggest crucifix ever. I'm talking 15 feet of Jesus bleeding to death in living color. He was in the traditional style, bleeding from the thorny crown, side, hands and feet, at the end of His life, emaciated, wearing only the loin cloth.

Being Baptist, the girls hadn't really experienced that particular thing before (I mean dying Jesus hanging on the cross, not church services), so it was a little jarring I'm sure. It's the sort of thing you have to get used to, I suppose. So, as we settled in the pew, one girl on either side of me, a heated debate began.

Elise: Who is that guy up there on the stage, Mommy?

Elaina (over me before I could speak): Duh. That's Jesus on the cross.

Elise: No way, Elaina. Mommy, who is that?

Me: She's right, that's Jesus, now hush. No talking.

Elaina sticking out tongue and giving the Nanny-Nanny-Boo-Boo sign. Me then giving Elaina the Shut It Or Else evil eye.

Elise (loud and angry hissing now): That is NOT Jesus!

Me: Yes it is! Hush before I haul you out of this sanctuary and we have a Come to Jesus Meeting in the foyer (code for a tail warming)

Elise (almost hysterical): NO IT IS NOT!

Me: Okay, Smarty, who do you think is hanging on the cross at the front of the church? (I've got her now)

Elise: Well, I don't know but it's not Jesus because no way is He naked in church. No way.

Pause. Pause. Pause.

Elaina: Okay, maybe that's not Jesus because He's not dead anymore, He's up there (pointing at Heaven) anyway.

Elise: (to Elaina) Now who get's the duh? (And to me) Seriously, who's the naked man in church?

Okay then.

And then there was the time our niece was getting married and asked the kids to be in the wedding party. She wanted the twins to be flower girls and Carter to be the ring bearer. Well, Elise was taking on the daunting task of explaining to Carter his complex duties on the wedding day. It went something like this:

Elise: Okay, so to be the ring bearer put on a tux-me-dough and you walk slowly with a little pillow down the row there and you keep the rings safe. And you have to be careful because they throw flowers on the ground and you could slip. And you have to stand still and be quiet because everyone can see you and you don't want to be a doofus.

Carter: Nope. That's not what a Ring Bear does at all.

Elise: No, Carter, it's not a Ring Bear, it's a ring bear-ER. Not a bear.

Carter: YES IT IS!

Elise: NO IT'S NOT!!!

Carter (screaming and crying now): YES IT IS! I'm the RING BEAR! I stand at the front and yell GRRRRRRR!!!

Again, how can you argue with that logic?

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