Black Helicopter

I’m low key sort of morphing into a black helicopter person. Probably because I watch as little news coverage as humanly possible while still living on the planet, and after four weeks at home with forced news crammed down my news feed...y’all, something’s up. 

I’ve told my kids a thousand times that when something feels funny, smells funny, acts funny that “gut feeling” you get is the most primal, important thing a person has in his/her arsenal. (Saved people call this the Holy Spirit.), and right now my meter is pinging that everything isn’t right in these present circumstances. I’m a natural skeptic, but this fear mongering is about to whiz me off in a righteous way.

Some of the best parts of being a Christian and being an American are that you don’t get to tell me what to do, where to go, or how to behave until it directly infringes on someone else’s rights. My rights literally end where yours begin. So, if you want to isolate, knock yourself out. But stop trying to dictate the actions of all of the people all of the time. Because it’s a fine line before we begin meddling in other areas the government believes is “for your own good.”  

For example: why can't we tell fat people they HAVE to exercise for the overall quality of life and cost of healthcare for the whole. Or what they can and can't buy to eat. Because it's better for the whole. It's easily justified on paper and in conversation, but we've proven over and over than free will is better even if it costs a society something when people are irresponsible. 

It's kind of like the anti-vaccination crowd (which I consider to be grossly negligent parenting on every level). Even though I vehemently disagree with not vaccinating your kids, I do NOT believe that you should be forced to vaccinate your kids. It's your right as the parent to make good decisions and even bad ones sometimes. I don't believe this should be mandated, even though there are arguments made that it's better to insist on vaccinations for the betterment of the whole.

Here's another point--if we are REALLY sketched out about Corona spread--shouldn't the very first thing to shut down be food service? None of those workers who have served us through a window drive thru have had on masks. And the gloves they are wearing touched my money and then my burger wrapper, food bag, drink, etc., which are all surfaces the virus can live on for days. I can't think of another place where you are more likely to get infected than through prepared food. The people cooking, cleaning, handing the food out, handling the money--it's like a germ factory. This should have been shut down FIRST based on the size and scope of danger being reported. The Belk or Macy's is FAR less dangerous to my health than the McDonald's drive thru when considering the risk of germ exposure in restaurants. (Feels funny, smells funny, acts funny)

Something just doesn't add up. Now, go look up "herd immunity" and viruses, but be prepared to fall down a very dark research hole. You're at home on state-enforced lock down, so you should have plenty of time to research yourself.

Based on what I’m reading on the feed here, I think some people are confused. Everyone does understand that “flattening the curve” means that you are going to be exposed to corona eventually, right? The quarantine wasn’t to wait it out until it vanishes. The government/healthcare system just didn’t want everyone exposed on the same Tuesday, because then it’s a problem based only on volume and treatment. It’s a virus. It doesn’t magically disappear no matter how long the quarantine. Now that it’s in the world, it’s in the world. Not only that, but it’s mutating to defend itself—just like the flu and chicken pox. The second you go out again you are at risk of ALL germs—just like on a normal day.

I'll sit in my house like a good state hostage, but know this--the Spring Breakers we crucified for going down to the beaches for spring break were acting like straight up Americans. Party on, Garth. Party on, Wayne. 'Merica. Open business and public areas beginning immediately over a two-or-three-week period. Wash your hands. Social distance. Quarantine if you are afraid or in the danger demographic. Carry on.

Social Distance This.

So, to clarify, things you can still do for those who appear to be confused:

• Go fishing at the lake or pond. Other people are welcome, because social distancing is possible at the pond. (to engage in outdoor activity)
• Ride around the lake on your boat. (Really? Can you get more social distanced than in a boat on the water? No.) (to engage in outdoor activity)
• Go sunbathe at a friend's house around the pool (outside, six feet apart), because EVERYONE needs that vitamin D.(to engage in outdoor activity)
• Hike at Oak Mountain (which is still very much open). (to engage in outdoor activity)
• Do yard work.(to engage in outdoor activity)
• Throw a ball or Frisbee in your front yard with your family aka quarantine hostages.(to engage in outdoor activity)
• Walk/Run your neighborhood.(to engage in outdoor activity)
• Drive in circles or down dirt roads with the windows down and radio up, because it's enough already. (to engage in outdoor activity/mental health)
• Watch all of the old movies you should be exposed to, but didn't have time for. (Everything John Hughes, Scorsese, Tarantino, Hepburn/Tracy, Shakespeare, Marvel, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc.)
• READ ALL OF THE BOOKS
• Pick up lunch and meet your friend in your yard and then eat sitting six feet apart. Or in cars pulled up beside each other. Or in my case, come in the house and sit at the table like civilized people. (to see family members/to take care of others, because y'all, my mental health without seeing friends is seriously in question). I'll disinfect on the way in and out.
• Attend outdoor church services. (it's on the list too and didn't even require 'outside' as a qualifier)

Now, quit harassing people who are outside or riding around. Or better yet, you see me rollin? Don't be hatin. Patrolling they trying to catch me ridin dirty. (Chamillionaire like some kind of Nostradamus knew what's up.)

Social Outrage

I’ve told my students (specifically when studying Animal Farm) whenever you see a sensationalized, heart-wrenching headline designed to stir your emotions that is being presented by political parties on either side, go to the next page of the news and see what you are being distracted from actually reading...because the really important thing is always hidden behind false social outrage. 

Why? Because social outrage is a fantastic manipulation tool used by principalities that has proven to be incredibly effective at drawing people into manufactured conflict leaving them no time to investigate what is really important. 

Simple example: How dare they serve chocolate in the lunch room! We must rally and save the children!!! Let’s ban chocolate on campus for the safety and well being of our kids! Oh and take home this box of chocolates to sell for a fundraising campaign just don’t eat them at school because chocolate is BAD! (PS the school who actually did this was fundraising for playground equipment for a playground in a school system without recess.  Insert crickets here.) You have been effectively distracted by chocolate and into thinking that you are saving children from making unhealthy choices, when the lack of recess and free play is the actual problem. (Because if you let them eat some chocolate and then run around for thirty minutes there is no obesity problem. Ahem.)

Example:  Don’t tell me how worried you are about the disposable kids in our culture unless you are on the list to become foster parents or adoptive parents or have taken in kids from bad circumstances. You don’t actually care. You are in a vacuum of social outrage over an emotional topic that has you stirred up. You have no intention of actually doing anything. You just like feeling indignation over the plight of suffering kids as a principle on paper. 

Unless we are willing to actually sacrifice something for a cause—and I don’t mean give from excess or out of a feeling of assuaged guilt—but actually SACRIFICE something of great value to us—we are all talking heads. Scripture used to justify your point is often the same way—quoting about what we should do vs. actually doing something are worlds apart. 

Mostly, we all like to feel as though our righteous indignation is accomplishing something when it’s just the teacher in Charlie Brown—you know, blah-blah-blah. 

So, the current struggle about children being ripped away from parents at the border? The only kids being separated are those who cannot be legal verified as belonging to the adult accompanying them. This is to protect children from sex trafficking and indentured slavery. 

We KNOW, factually that kids are being smuggled into the US, because in the past we have been more lenient on families traveling together as opposed to single men traveling alone. It's a huge incentive to steal or "rent" or "borrow" a kid for the journey, knowing it increases the illegal's odds of getting into the country. 

Hey, how about this, don't take your kids into a situation where they might be taken from you in the first place. Be careful that you aren't confusing how you "feel" about something with what is "right" about something. 

And now, Covid-19. Always flip to page two. It's just good form. 

My Corona

This is MY opinion and only mine. I am not hosting wild parties or running willy nilly through the grocery store touching stuff, but seriously...I’ve got news for y’all. This forced stay-at-home thing is out of control and makes very little sense to me.  I know, I know--it's for the 'greater good' (so they say), but seriously; when examined closely, I'm not sure all of this adds up. 

My son keeps going in and out of the grocery store for work—he’s exposed to hundreds if not thousands of people daily (most of whom are insanely rude, but that’s a different blog.) My husband goes to and from work in retail—exposed to dozens daily. We’ve been on two college campuses moving the twins out and were exposed to more than 100 people moving around in space each time. 

I have been to the grocery store approximately three times per week out of necessity, and I have to stop at multiple locations on each outing because I can't find things we actually need. (They keep limiting me to one gallon of milk, one loaf of bread, and one dozen eggs. That’s ONE breakfast when you are cooking it for seven adults.) (and quit side-eyeing me in the check out line, you jackwagon—a regular grocery shop for my house is $250-300.)

With all of that said, Having one more person come through this house isn’t going to expose us any more than we already are--and I don't care where they've been. Nothing beats the grocery store for quantity of people and exposure to germs. 

And having been through a micro-preemie (Lilly), non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma (Lynn) and Hodgkin’s lymphoma (Elise), our sanitizer-hand-washing game in Johnsonville is on point. (We keep paper towels in the bathrooms instead of hand towels. Top that.)

(Your hand washing game should be that great ALL of the time, Savages.)

I’ve taken four kids 6 months-to-4 years old (one with a compromised immune system who was strapped to an oxygen tank) for a $400 shop at Walmart by myself. REALLY LISTEN TO ME: Lillian had DAMAGED LUNGS AND WAS ON OXYGEN AND I TOOK HER INTO THE WALMART TO SHOP. Seriously, we have got to chill now.

• I survived an infant in the NICU for four months. 
• That same baby came home on oxygen and heart/breathing monitors for a year. 
• I flew two days after 9/11 into Chicago. 
• I almost died in childbirth. 
• I am married to a man who pastored 20 years. 
• I survived a phone call where my child Tokyo drifted into a pond. 
• I held my daughter through cancer. 
• I have taught high school English a decade (that alone, folks). 
• I have three teen drivers in the same house.

I am not easily given to a spirit of fear. 

Things are going to happen. You cannot be defined by those things. You have to roll forward. I’m not saying this isn’t serious. All of those things I listed were VERY serious. You should socially distance and be clean.  I’m saying we can’t live in a bubble or in a spirit of fear.

And let’s pause this story on Elise for a second. She had Hodgkin’s lymphoma and was put on quarantine with a social distancing regimen for a year. We did NOT stop seeing other humans. We were smart and cautions and made a plan. We homeschooled to avoid the enclosed germ factory of the classroom, but tutors in different topics came to the house daily to teach her. (Those same teachers had been in the school before coming here--they simply washed their hands upon arrival.) She had friends over to watch movies and do puzzles, and play cards. We washed our hands and disinfected religiously. 

We we went to ball games (surrounded by a wall of people who had all had the flu vaccine and were armed with hand sanitizer). We went to the mall (and didn’t touch public things like rails or linger in big crowds).  We ate in restaurants several times. We had friends over and washed hands and Clorox wiped on the way in and out. She wore a mask in public crowd situations. And this was all while her white blood cell count was completely decimated. She literally had no defense against ANY illness. 

I’m not speaking theoretically; I’m speaking from experience. We did it.  And NO ONE was more susceptible to dying from an infection than Elise.  

And let’s keep in mind that we did this...

For a YEAR with Lillian. 

For a YEAR with my mother. 

For a YEAR with Elise. 

I know whereof I speak. 

(Some of y’all are amateurs and it shows. 😬)

With that said, Dinner is at 6:30. 

Your teen is welcome in my home. 

You are welcome too, for that matter. 

Oh, and wash your dadgum hands. 

#iamnotafraidofcircumstance
#washyourhandsandmakegooddecisions

#Idefythebubble 

#IdefiedthebubblewithLillyandElise

#Corona2020

Judging the Judge

Watching the Kavanaugh committee testimony on television was excruciating to me. I guess because he was being called to explain things that most adults have at least flirt with in their youth. (Let me be clear this is NOT an analysis or justification about Kavanaugh. I don't care enough about that deal personally to have a fully formed opinion.)

But what did concern me was the fact that the powers that be analyzed his high school yearbook down to the minutia. It has made me reflect on some of my previous life experiences that probably ought to be sealed records. Let's clarify. I tell most of these things as a part of my testimony, so they aren't really secrets. More like anecdotal evidence of being a broken person who made poor life choices.

In high school before my salvation I...

1. Lied. (Repeatedly.) 
2. Fornicated. (Repeatedly.)
3. Drove fast. (Occasionally.) 
4. Got a speeding ticket. (One.) 
5. Had several physical altercations where I physically intimidated other humans. 
6. I cheated on some tests.
7. I wrote papers for other people for money and to stir up strife.
8. The first person I ever fell in love with was a girl. (And I still love her to this day.) 
9. I lied about where I was going and who I was with and what we were doing there. (Repeatedly.)
10. I sneaked out of the house. (Repeatedly.) 
11. I slept over at my boyfriend's house. (Almost all of my first two years of college.)
12. I rented hotel rooms in B'ham so we could all break curfew and lay out all night. (Yes, in high school.) 
13. I tried marijuana. (I inhaled.)
14. I was mean as a snake to people I was supposed to love and protect as friends.
15. I made out once with a boy at a concert without knowing his last name. (Like the Titanic was going down sort of making out.) 

I also kept a part-time job, did every single theater production, made A's in school, graduated with the highest level diploma offered in my high school, didn't get pregnant or arrested. I was a stellar student.  I was a "good kid." I was trusted. I was in charge of lots of things. I was a leader. I had numerous, wonderful heart friends. I had the best time ever. I never got in any serious trouble (mostly because no one knew.) You can absolutely appear to be bright and shiny on the outside and be completely rotten to the core.

While doing all of that...


I kept a meticulous calendar with diary entries, dates, places, and times. I still have them dating back to 1984. I'm missing one college year and the year I graduated college and moved home. (It had something to do with my parent's divorce, or maybe I just didn't want to remember anything, so I didn't write it down.)

If I ever get called on to testify and that data is necessary, all of y'all are going down, because your names are listed down to a man. Hotel we stayed in. Who was there. What we did. Jokes we told. Sometimes there are photos. I kept that same exact kind of journal for my infertility experience and for all of my pregnancies. I printed them for my kids to have one day if they are ever interested. It has what we ate and where we went and what movies we watched and what my blood levels were and if I puked and what was going on in my spiritual life at the time. They are incriminating and freeing all at the same time. (So, yes, I know factually that it's possible for someone to keep detailed journals and calendars dating back that far. I even have the exact day I lost my virginity listed.)

And if you started going through my yearbooks you'd be appalled at what my friends wrote as inside jokes, lovingly teasing commentary, roasting other students, roasting me, laughing at people in the margins. My character would also be destroyed by eye-witness testimony of people I wronged. Repeatedly.

And in spite of all of that, or maybe even because of it, I am completely, totally, amazingly fit to teach high school English. :-) I'm excellent at it, as a matter of fact. I have a bright, shiny, sparkling spiritual testimony. I make sure every day that I am setting an example, and when I fail at that I am quick to apologize and correct. I am prepared. I work hard. I am organized. I have an unparalleled work ethic. I am passionate. And maybe most importantly of all, I love the kids.  I stand as their defender and champion and biggest fan.

I love my job. I love Mondays. I love staying late and working on extra projects that have nothing to do with school work. I love going to sports and being involved. I love the Fun Bus stuff. And I'm preparing the Little Angels for college in a method that has proven effective in over a decade of teaching. I love these kids with an agape sort of love. I love them when they are unlovable, because I have been unlovable.

I'm all of those things at one time, in one breath, because human nature dictates that I'm not one thing. I'm lots of things. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Just like you. Just like all of us. It's the human condition to be contradictions.  I thank God that there is forgiveness and restoration for past mistakes and transgressions of youth. I'll pray for the same for your kids when they try to do amazing things in the future like become Supreme Court Justices or maybe just decent human beings. Because those same broken, difficult, sneaky kids might just one day become something spectacular, and I surely hope that past sins don't disqualify them from future service.

(See: Paul, James, John, Peter, Rahab, Moses, Tamar, Jonah, Noah, Abraham, David, Saul, etc.)

~Mrs. C

The Slight

This one is going to be a little different....

So, one of my daughters attends an all-female college in the middle of rural Alabama. It's a treasure. I'm pro-Judson all the way all of the time and believe in her message and methods. The college hosted a huge author symposium featuring several highly respected, accomplished Judson alumni authors. It was an impressive display and quantity of quality work. I made an open call to my female students in 11-12th grade to attend the symposium, understanding that it might be a little dry (simply because of the interest track of teenage girls). But there would be a lovely tour of of the campus, and I genuinely felt like several of our students are a perfect fit for the Judson Girl model.

The first speaker and author presented were compelling--the author led an exciting, varied life with shades and colors that spoke of her adventurous lifestyle. The second author was a little more local--she basically lived, wrote, and died all in the confines of rural Perry County, Alabama and while a riveting writing talent, it wasn't as--shall we say thrilling?--as the first author. The speaker also matched the lifestyle of the author, presenting in a monotone, anti-climactic delivery style. Then, the aged, quiet, monotone man, who had been allotted an hour of time, spoke twenty minutes past the deadline into the lunch hour. A rather large group of visiting teens from the local high school got up ten minutes into his overage and simply evacuated the speech to find the dining hall. My girls stayed seated and waited for the conclusion. They were respectful, quiet, stayed off of their phones, and were mostly engaged, which is the absolute limit to the expectations I had for their behavior under the circumstances.

At the end of this incredibly long oration, as we began to stand and stretch it out a bit an elderly lady who had been seated behind my row of high school juniors, addressed one of my young ladies. I sincerely thought she was complementing Ashley on her outfit. Ashley said thank you to the woman, and we left to find the dining hall. Lined up for the food buffet, Ashley told us that the woman was actually scolding her and said, "I have never sat behind someone so rude in all my life."

Now, keep in mind I was literally two people down from Ashley and the whole crew. They didn't giggle, whisper, raise voices, speak over the speaker, fidget, play on phones, doodle...in fact, they sat still and attempted to listen. I believe that I was vibrating and humming far more than any student in my peripheral vision and even busted out the candy in the bottom of my purse halfway through his speech to maintain my own focus. (Quite frankly, it was painful twenty minutes late and into lunch to restrain myself from fidgeting, and I'm a fifty-year-old woman who was married to a man in pastorate 20 years. Seriously. If I can't do it, mere mortals have no hope.)

I couldn't believe it. If I had a do-over I'd have told that woman what I thought about her comment directly to her face. Since we were no longer in proximity and I lost the opportunity, I'm going to do it right here and now in this forum.

Madam,

I convinced five girls from the junior class of my small, Christian school to come to this event. None are strong fiction writers or desire to pursue English degrees. Not one of those girls has ever read any of the authors presented at the symposium or has any interest in reading them. Several of them are, however, solid candidates to be Judson girls. The current freshman class at Judson College has fewer than sixty students. (That isn't a typo: SIXTY STUDENTS COMPRISE THE WHOLE FRESHMAN CLASS IN THE WHOLE COLLEGE.)

Our tiny Christian school has sent three students to Judson in recent years. One graduated a year ago, one is my daughter who is a current sophomore, and one is in that diminutive freshman class I just referenced. That's right, out of 28 graduates in their respective classes, three of ours became Judson Girls.

So, the odds of one of those five girls I brought to the conference choosing Judson are inordinately high for our school. That is, until you opened your big, fat, rude, condescending, morally judgy mouth and said something that was not only a blatant lie but also unbelievably below the standards of the college you represented yesterday as an alumni. Publicly calling out and addressing other people's failings (perceived or real) like you did is beneath a lady in any circumstance. I would have been mortified if one of my girls had done that to you. And you are supposed to know better, Ma'am.  They could have at least plead ignorance or lack of experience. You are without excuse.

We continued to enjoy our day, touring the school, meeting some current students, but that one sentence uttered in a moment of anger at whatever perceived slight that woman felt, colored the entire experience. It was the main topic of conversation on our hour-long ride home.

Here's my takeaway:
1) Be careful with your mouth, especially when dealing with people you don't know. Your words carry weight and should be measured accordingly.

2) A lady should behave in a way that is meant to instruct or correct, not belittle or harm.

3) You don't deserve respect just because you are past a certain age. I told the girls in my car this, and I meant it: You don't respect elderly people because they are old. You respect all people because it's simply the right thing to do. But the second someone actually disrespects you, defend yourself.

I am raising warriors, thinkers, challengers, ladies and gentlemen, persuaders, crusaders, gypsies, explorers, and provokers. And in that vein there is no room for snobbery and shortsighted behavior.