My chapter in this fictitious book I’m constantly adding to would read: Making Your Child Look Like an Imbicile in Ten Easy Steps.
- First, attempt to comb the hair.
- Second, attempt to free comb from the hair when you realize that syrup from breakfast is in the hair too.
- Third, attempt to calm the child down by offering a bribe after almost tearing large chunks of hair out of her scalp.
- Fourth, attempt to put some sort of hair accessory into the crusty, frizzy hair.
- Fifth, remove hairbow after realizing your child looks like she has a mental problem.
- Sixth, finally get hairbow into hair in some sort of style that isn’t horrifying to you and others.
- Seven, do NOT blow a gasket when you turn around and small child is throwing said hairbow across the room having yanked it from her coifed head.
- Eight, brush hair again, this time screaming something about, “I know it hurts, but you should have thought about that when you removed the hairbow from your hair!”
- Nine, look down at your crying child with hair full of static electricity who is now starting to grunt and wrestle with you and looking like some sort of jungle woman and decide that she looks fine without the hairbow.
- And finally, send your precious angel to school claiming, “Her father did this to her”.
I am soooooo brilliant. This is why I am The Mother Bear.