|These people only have two kids. Enough said.|
Spiritual Truth Number 76: Working at an 8-5 job in an office somewhere is less stressful than being home full time. I don’t want to hear you complain one second about your commute or your boss or your co-workers. Shut it. You’re basically whining that you have two hours in the car to listen to whatever you want by yourself, you have someone above you who takes all of the heat even if you screw up, and there’s no way that you can prove your co-workers are worse than being trapped in the house with kids. I’ve never once had a co-worker run naked covered in wet grass and mud from playing in the sprinkler through my newly mopped office, throw up on me, or put his/her hand in my glass during a business luncheon to fish out ice cubes or a lemon. We don’t feel sorry for you. We think you’re a light weight. From now on, if I ask a woman if she "works outside of the home" I'm going to add "or do you slave inside of it"?
And for the love of all that is good, no more caffeine, chocolate, sugar, red food dye, Kool-aid, ice cream, sugar cereal, doughnuts, cookies, or soft drinks for The Little Flower after like one o'clock in the p.m. Seriously. I'll kill you.
|This isn't actually my house. Thank God.|
Running To and Fro: I'm taking all of the credit for the gas prices falling. You're all welcome. I've been on the road so much that the oil futures have once again become secure. We run from one thing to the next, and we are barely on time for anything. I used to be on time everywhere, like as in early-is-really-on-time. Now I'm still wandering around my house aimlessly looking for a hair bow or flip flop or blanket or keys when it's time to be there (wherever THERE is on any given day). During the school year this place is operated like boot camp. Like for Marines. It must be the chlorine or sunblock or sleeping in an extra hour. Someone should do a study.
|George and Flat Stanley|
Spiritual Truth Number 131: You can't actually sleep if you have more than four people and a dog in the bed with you. It's more like a wrestling match. And I don't care if it is a king size bed.
Music, Music Everywhere and No Talent Anywhere in Sight: Why is the piano amplifier set on 11 all of the time? Do my kids need to have their hearing checked? And who decided that the keys should make a farting noise as a musical choice on the keyboard in the first place? Is someone actually trying to play Beethoven in the key of Gaseous Emissions? The dude who programmed that deal needs to be fired.
|Wiz Khalifa, for those not in the know.|
Conclusion: How long have we been out for summer break again? Like four months? WHAT? You lie, Sir! Only four weeks? That can't be right. I'm having like a Groundhog Day do-over loop. Lord, help me....so, no one should even have to ask me why I have the shingles. I’ve got your shingles right here.