Pearls of Parenting Wisdom Part II

"Just because I hate something, doesn't mean that I'm not going to do it. Part of becoming an adult is the ability to finish undesirable tasks in a timely manner. Whining doesn't make it taste better; fussing doesn't make it go faster. Just shut up and do it already."


“You aren’t hungry; you are bored. People in Africa are hungry.”

“The most irritating and disappointing thing in the world is someone who believes that the world revolves around him, when it clearly revolves around me.”

“Don’t be surprised when lost people act like lost people. Be surprised when they act like saved people.”

“I’ve stopped asking why my kids are doing something asinine and now only wonder why it took them so long to try it.”

“Sarcasm is often lost on anyone under fourth grade. This is why I don’t teach anyone under seventh grade.”

“Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t read for pleasure; something is wrong with these people.”

“I know this is shocking, but not everyone loves your kids. (You only love them that way because they are yours.) What you think is adorable might actually be repellent. Why? Sometimes your kids stink, are rude, have terrible manners, are unruly, and are hateful. What? So are mine. You’re not special.”

"The instant that your child entered the world, it stopped being about you and it became all about that baby. Your needs, wants, dreams, desires all get to take a back burner to the needs of that child. It’s about provision, love, nurture, and opportunity—these things have to be the driving force in your life as a parent. And I’ve got some more bad news: that child doesn’t give one rip about your happiness, your fulfillment, or your life journey. All they know is whether or not you show up."

“We don’t pay our children for grades at Casa Johnson. I expect A’s every time. An A on a report card warrants a hug and a ‘good job’, because it’s the standard. If you expect your kids to get less than As, that’s what you’ll get. Pay them, and they’ll get the idea that they deserve compensation for doing what’s expected.”

Parenting with Charlotte Part I

Here are the first set of musings in one easy to reach place. (Although, why anyone at all would actually seek parenting advice from me is a complete mystery, since I have no idea at all what I'm doing. What? You don't either.)

"I don't care if my kids are happy. (God said nothing at all in Scripture about wanting us to be happy.) I care that they are becoming Christ-like. And becoming Christ-like is often more painful than happy."

“Almost always in life, the best lessons are learned via our mistakes. How unfortunate that we don’t just listen when someone tells us not to touch the hot stove instead of checking it out on our own. It just confirms that none of us are as smart as we think we are.”

“What are you doing?” is almost always a rhetorical question. I can see what you are doing. I am indicating that you are an idiot and am waiting on you realize it and agree with me.

“I’m not sure why my kids don’t believe me when I answer a question with, “I don’t know.” I know they don’t believe me, because they keep asking the same question that I’ve already answered ‘I don’t know’ to. This may be shocking, but sometimes I really don’t know. It’s not a riddle. I’m not even being obstinate. Really, I just don’t know.”

“My most effective parenting tip is never under estimate the power of humiliation as an obedience tool.”

“Apologize more than you should and even sometimes when you don’t think you should have to. It’ll make up for the times that someone apologized to you even though you were the one who was wrong.”

“For every person you envy, there are two coveting your life. Be thankful.”

“Rule 1: Never put anything in print that you don’t want read aloud in a room of your peers. Rule 2: Never write something that you won’t sign your name to. Rule 3: Never write anything while intoxicated (see Rule 1 and Rule 2 for clarification).”

“Yes, ‘wonky-doo’ is a word. You use ‘catywompus’ and ‘thingy’, so I can use ‘wonky-doo’. What? You think your made up words are better than mine?”

“I have a dowel rod in my classroom with a purple barber pole stripe and the word ‘stupid’ painted on it. It’s called The Stupid Stick. You get to host it on your desk for asking stupid questions, because whoever said there are no stupid questions clearly never taught high school.”

“Saying ‘that’s just the way I am’ doesn’t excuse bad behavior on your part. You are just confirming that you are too crazy to be friends with and that people should avoid you. So, if anyone says, “that’s just the way I am” in the course of a conversation, you should thank them for the head’s up and then move away rapidly.”

“I don’t care about your Precious Angel’s self esteem. I care about her ability to differentiate between there/their/they’re, you’re/your, and it’s/its so that she doesn’t look like a moron on Facebook.”

“Giving anything less than your best—whether on the field, in the classroom, on stage, in relationships—is failure. And don’t tell me you tried unless I can see evidence of the blood, sweat, and tears that bear out the fruit of your best. Just showing up isn’t your best; it’s your least.”

"Some things you need to do just because you live in this house—like making your own bed or putting away your own laundry. Not making the bed is like telling the rest of your day that you just can’t be bothered. And coming home to an unmade bed, well, it’s insulting to your own person.”

“I’m a middle-aged fat woman. Obviously, I’m keeping my classroom like a meat locker. Not bringing a jacket doesn’t indicate that the room is too cold; it indicates that you aren’t very bright or need to work on your powers of discernment.”

“If I tell you that I can’t do something right now, it’s not a challenge to your powers of persuasion. Stop asking me.”

“I don’t cook breakfast. If you want breakfast, learn to cook it. No, I won’t teach you how to make breakfast—that would mean that I’d have to cook breakfast. Pay attention.”

30 Days of Thankful--Day 7--Mondays

Today, I am thankful for Mondays.

I know that might be a stretch, but have you really thought about what Monday means? Since I am a Christian, on Sundays I get the honor of going into the House of the Lord and worshiping. I am renewed and refreshed and revitalized for the week to come. Then, on Monday, I get to put into action what happened to me on Sunday. It's like Go Time!

I know that this admission makes me a bit of a freak, but I love Mondays.

My week lies before me like so much adventure on the page, but yet unrealized. It smells like optimism. (yeah, that's right; I teach English.)

See, on Monday, The Husband cranks the car to get it warm for me, and hands me a cup of coffee with vanilla creamer in it. (Monday reminds me that I'm married to a thoughtful, kind man who puts his needs above my own, and I am always cared for and cherished. Guys? It's the little things that show love more than just some words.)

The Four Shorties, Bonus Kids, eight book bags and sports bags and cheer bags and P.E. bags pile into the Family Truckster and we're off to school. (Someone once asked me how many kids I have exactly, and then said observer commented that we look like the clown car emptying into the Big Top when we pile out of the Yukon.) We pray on the drive, listen to incredibly interesting songs, make fun of each other, car dance (sometimes Chris sings, and you can't imagine what a blessing that is), and we discuss the upcoming day. It's loud and crazy and funny. I like it. (I am reminded how blessed I am to have so many 'children' in my  life.)

Then we arrive at the school where I get to teach. Like for money and stuff. (So cool.) I don't have a class until 9:00, so I get to enjoy peace and quiet for an hour. I go visit in the lunchroom and go visit in the office. I have a second cup of coffee (or a Mountain Dew depending on the season), and I pray over my classroom and do my devotional. It's the only time I'm not doing something student-oriented during the day. (I am reminded how blessed I am to have a job that I look forward to every single day.)

On Mondays, I have lesson plans laid out, and my calendar is highlighted in seven different colors, waiting to happen. It's like being on the cusp of being something brilliant. (It could happen.)

We have Zaxby's for lunch on Mondays, which means that I don't have to pack lunches, and I get to see my two dear friends, Willie and Jenny in the lunchroom again. (win-win) I get to check my in-box in the office where a zillion people need stuff from me, and I generally can help them. I don't have any tests on Mondays, so there's nothing to grade. (whoot! It's like my personal no-homework night.)

Mondays, we don't have practice for anything, so we get home earlier than most days. And Mondays we do some sort of Bible thingy at church--like Beth Moore or Dave Ramsey--so, more often than not, I don't have to cook dinner either. Sometimes there's even time to walk or nap between school and church.

I LOVE Mondays!

So, the next time you are tempted to moan about it being Monday again (sigh), count your blessings instead.

You woke up in a warm house.
You are surrounded by family (even if they are cranky)
You packed lunches or ate breakfast. (you have access to food)
You got into a car that started and rolled.
You went to a job that paid you money.
You get my drift.