"Just because I hate something, doesn't mean that I'm not going to do it. Part of becoming an adult is the ability to finish undesirable tasks in a timely manner. Whining doesn't make it taste better; fussing doesn't make it go faster. Just shut up and do it already."
“You aren’t hungry; you are bored. People in Africa are hungry.”
“The most irritating and disappointing thing in the world is someone who believes that the world revolves around him, when it clearly revolves around me.”
“Don’t be surprised when lost people act like lost people. Be surprised when they act like saved people.”
“I’ve stopped asking why my kids are doing something asinine and now only wonder why it took them so long to try it.”
“Sarcasm is often lost on anyone under fourth grade. This is why I don’t teach anyone under seventh grade.”
“Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t read for pleasure; something is wrong with these people.”
“I know this is shocking, but not everyone loves your kids. (You only love them that way because they are yours.) What you think is adorable might actually be repellent. Why? Sometimes your kids stink, are rude, have terrible manners, are unruly, and are hateful. What? So are mine. You’re not special.”
"The instant that your child entered the world, it stopped being about you and it became all about that baby. Your needs, wants, dreams, desires all get to take a back burner to the needs of that child. It’s about provision, love, nurture, and opportunity—these things have to be the driving force in your life as a parent. And I’ve got some more bad news: that child doesn’t give one rip about your happiness, your fulfillment, or your life journey. All they know is whether or not you show up."
“We don’t pay our children for grades at Casa Johnson. I expect A’s every time. An A on a report card warrants a hug and a ‘good job’, because it’s the standard. If you expect your kids to get less than As, that’s what you’ll get. Pay them, and they’ll get the idea that they deserve compensation for doing what’s expected.”