Saturday, April 5, 2008

Let Them Eat Cake

Hello, Friends and Neighbors!

I've returned this evening, tired and a little road weary, but since I put three-and-a-half hours in driving around Birmingham today, that's to be expected. Let's see...

I was sleeping peacefully (snoring and drooling) this morning when my father called at 8:15 and wanted to ask some questions that only I could answer (figures), so instead of snoozing until 10:00, I was running around the house. (It gave me traumatic flashbacks of my childhood when the man thought that it was a cardinal sin to sleep past 8:30 in the morning on the weekend because, darnit, there were tasks to accomplish! So, getting up early to do chores on Saturday is banned in my home. In fact, all chores are banned on Saturday, and if you wake me up before 9:30 beware the Growly Bear. Grrr.)

I got me, the four shorties, and the Nana cleaned up and in the road by 11:00 for Stop One on our April 2008 Tour of the Ham. We went to a bridal luncheon thingy for my cousin's future bride. It was really, really nice. Of course, we added something to the ambiance by crashing the party with four kids who weren't invited. I hate that when people bring kids to an event when they weren't invited. Sheesh. Some people. Of couse, today it was my turn in the cosmos to play the role of Some People.

See, my sister-in-law is expecting her first baby and her baby shower was scheduled for 2:00 this afternoon on the other side of the universe from my house and from this bridal tea, so I had no choice but to bring the Shorties to the first party on the Tour. Now, the reason I had 'no choice' and needed to go is that my mother wanted to go see her people, and how could I tell my mother no? It was a case of all or nothing, and I assure you that I'd rather have the people at the bridal tea peeved than to get on the wrong side of those Johnsons--they're crazy (in the best possible way--but still crazy.) No way was pregnant Aunt Janet driving up from Florida for her baby shower and not getting her hands on my kids. I'd be banned from the family or something.

The Shorties were under threat of death to behave themseles at the bridal tea, and they did fairly well. I also stuck to the 45-minute rule and had them in and out before anyone had the chance to throw anything, stick anything in the air vent, or hide food in the furniture. (Hey, you're not talking to an amature here.) My cousin Tamara brought the most incredible cake I've ever seen live and in person. This cake looked like something off of the Food Network. Seriously, I need a photo to put up on this blog. Someone e-mail me. She always does everything 1,000 percent all out, and this party was no exception.

Flashback Moment: On the way up to the house where the bridal party was (which is out of our area obviously), I thought everything on the road started looking familiar. I pulled up to a stop sign and right in front of me is my dear friend Lela's house. I haven't been there but a handful of times (since it's a day's journey to get there, so we usually meet in the middle for lunch or dinner or something). I called her on the cell phone and told her that I was driving past her house at that very second for a party and we would be popping in at her house in about 30 minutes and not to clean up anything or put on make up (nothing like the pop-in, is there?).

These are two steadfast rules in the True Friends Handbook. If you have to a) pick up your laundry b) put on make up and brush your hair out and/or c) dust or wipe anything down when someone is coming to your house then they aren't a True Friend. They are just Somebody You Know.

Back In the Story: We blew through the shower, ate food, ate cake, then loaded up the van and headed back to Lela's for a 30 minute visit. Then, I crammed everyone back in the van and off to Aunt Diana's house we trekked for Stop Two--The Baby Shower. Bessemer gets father away every time I drive there. Everyone was already present and accounted for by the time we arrived. I can't seem to get to a Johnson Famiy Event on time ever. Never, ever. It's the weirdest thing. I am on time for four kids worth of doctor appointments, dentist appointments, work, school, PTO, seminars, speaking engagement, etc., but when it comes to getting to their family events there's a big black cloud over my van. It's really Time Life Moment bizarre.

We viewed the gifts, and had some more cake, and rubbed Janet's huge belly (which looks WONDERFUL!). I'm so proud for her! I'm mostly excited on a personal level because Janet having a baby means that I'm not the oldest mom with a toddler at playgroup anymore! Whoo-hoo! (Smooches, Janet!)

At 4:00 sharp (this means that at 4:00 I started telling everyone to wash the cake out of their hair and pee, not that we left at 4:00), I started shoveling kids back in the van to drive the hour back home.

We start revival at our church tomorrow, and I want to sing in the revival choir (not that I'm helping them at all, I just like to sing). We had rehearsal at 6:00 tonight, and I pulled in the driveway just in time to change clothes and get to the church. We had a really nice potluck thing afterwards. Steve cooked his World Famous Lemon Pepper Chicken for the choir. Hey now, that chicken rocks. I liked it almost as much as that strawberry cheesecake from Edgar's that the choir director's brought.

I think I'm dying. Let's see....shower food twice, cake, cake, cheesecake...I'm thinking that I ate all of my Weight Watchers points for the week today. Ugh. I'm also pretty sure I grasp why my bottom is growing and not shrinking. That darned Weight Watchers--it never works. Ha-ha!

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