Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Stash

Like most moms with a chocolate problem, I've got a "stash" in the house. Although I'm not storing drugs in my 'stash' it might as well be because the draw is the same as if I had heroine in the top of the cabinets instead of Little Debbie's or Hershey Bars.

Now, Moms who don't have a chocolate problem are rolling their eyes all pious, but if you don't profess to have a chocolate problem, you probably have a Salt Issue. Those Salty Craving Chicks scare me way worse than the Chocoholics. See, the chocolate girls will sneak a bite or two. Salty Girl are known to buy a jumbo bag of Salt and Vinegar chips and a coke and eat the entire family size bag on the way home from the grocery store, stopping to ditch the bag/evidence in the outside garbage cans and thinks no one is the wiser. So, they Quick Fix instead of Stashing/Hoarding.

So, what's in the stash right now? Depends on the season and what your poison is. Take Easter for instance...I might rob the Easter baskets of several little snack size Snicker bars and little Butterfingers eggs and I might actually have one or two of those Reese Peanut Butter egg thingies if no one's paying attention. I put them in the stash and save them for a moment when I need a little something to get through the afternoon.

Like after I complete a particularly gnarly task like cleaning out the laundry room might warrant a square off of a Godiva Chocolate Fruit and Nut Bar. Just one square as a pick me up. But, say for instance, the afternoon I washed an entire load of brand new school clothes with a Sharpie marker, well that required two Reese Peanut Butter eggs and a glass of leaded Coke. I'd have eaten a couple more, but it was time to get the kids from school. :-)

The problem with keeping a regular 'stash' is that you have to keep moving it to save the really good candy for yourself, because Shorties are merciless little hunters who will dig for treasure until they hit bounty. They know it's there, they just can't sniff it out if you keep moving it.

Sometimes you put up the really good snacks the same way--like when you first get home from the grocery store you'll put the chips on top of the fridge or the sugar cereals up in the pantry--but no mother worth her salt is stupid enough to store the 'good snacks' in any sort of proximity to the 'stash'. Seriously, the kids getting a sugar high on a bag of $1.19 Nutty Buddy Bars is one thing; eating my $4.00 bag of Pepperidge Farm Chocolate Cookies is entirely another.

Imagine the disastrous consequences if I'd made that rookie mistake the other night when Lily the Restless Snack Hunter went on a mission at 10:00 in the p.m....but no, I am Smarter than the average Bear. appears as though Lillian's problem will be with Pop Tarts.

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