Everyone has been so sweet to check on me--we've missed the entire month of February. My mother went into the emergency room February 1st with what she thought was the flu and left the hospital on the 27th with Stage IV Follicular Lymphoma. I feel like it's all passed in a fog.
As you can tell even from this silly blog, my mother is a huge part of our daily life as the Johnson family. She is at our home almost every day, making snacks, diapering babies, eating meals with us. We've never been on a family vacation in 14 years without my mother in tow, so, this has been difficult on us in more ways than I can express.
She's unable to go home right now in her condition. We moved the girls into our basement bedroom and gave her the bedroom next to ours so that I can hear her at night. I'm thankful to have her home with us now, to have the space to bring her here, and to have the resources to care for her. It's already been a huge blessing in my life.
It's funny...I probably could have done a thousand different things with my life. Sometimes I wonder what I could have done if I'd stepped out of my comfort zone and risked some things. But if I'm being completely honest with myself, what I really, really wanted to be, even from the time I was a little girl, is a Mother. I wanted a house full of babies. I wanted to do incredibly mundane things like sit at soccer games and cut the crusts off of sandwiches and snuggle and give bubble baths and angel kisses. I have been blessed with the four shorties--they have exceeded any dream that I ever had. My house is loud and messy and crazy and hectic and insane most of the time. But it's warm and dry and full of hugs and kisses and snuggles and laughter and playful children. I couldn't ask for a better life.
And this opportunity to take care of my mother is another great blessing. I get to "mother" in a whole new way. The tasks are the same whether caring for my children or my mother: giving baths, changing her clothes, making her meals, brushing her hair, sitting and visiting, snuggling, reading stories, getting her another sippy cup of drink. When I mull it over, all of the things that I could have done with my life pale by comparison to this great privilege of caring for and loving my family. It is the highest office--an honor.
I'll try to do better about updating the blog now that she's settled into the house with us. We don't know what the future holds, but we know who holds the future.