Ready to Swap Superpowers With Someone. Anyone.

I have this running inside joke. Like most things in life, even if it's funny and you are being funny, there's still probably some truth in the joke. 

I have this invisible sign in blinking neon over my head that reads something like this: "Please feel free to share the completely inappropriate details of your personal life with me." Now, the joke part comes in because I am She Who is of Little or No Mercy.

You get the punchline.

You people are telling the person least able to identify with and help you all about your personal business. It's mind boggling. And it happens all of the time. Daily. My dad once told me that all of that "theater nonsense" wasn't ever going to be helpful in the Real World. Boy, was he wrong. As teacher, pastor's wife, friend, mother, etc., that's probably the skill set I value and use most in my life. (This is known as 'irony', Students.)  The ability to act like nothing is wrong and continue to move forward normally is seriously undervalued.
It seems that my entire life is running from one crisis directly into the next--and almost none of these crises are actually mine; they are usually someone else's ball of crazy. I get out of one situation that I'm required to fix and plow right into the next one without coming up for air. It's really quite remarkable. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the ability to cope under extreme pressure is my superpower.

(Maybe I am superwoman and the pod with the info I'm supposed to receive from off world simply hasn't arrived yet. Maybe.)  Anyhoo...

I'd like to have an entire week without anything to report. No emergencies. No phone calls at 2:00 a.m. No police involvement. No personal crises. No new people with cancer. No people who need money. No nothing. My wants in life are simple. Here's a short list in case anyone is listening:

I want to sleep for more than six hours in a row sometime instead of napping and sleeping in five hour increments. I hear it's great.

I want to choose the fast food restaurant now and again instead of taking a popular vote. If the place sells anything that includes a toy, we ain't eating there.

I want to go ten solid minutes without anyone asking me a question. Okay, maybe that's unreasonable. I'd settle for seven.

I want to stay in my jammies one Saturday until noon without the doorbell ringing.

I'd like to watch a completely-inappropriate-for-children zombie movie from start to finish without having to pause five thousand times (to make juice, find a hairbow, cut the crust off, answer the phone, answer the door, find shorts, open the big freezer, move the laundry...).

I want someone else to fold the clothing or at least put it away if I've folded it.

I want someone else to figure out what's for dinner and then just let me know.

I want all 58 high school students to finish their homework one time. Just once.

I want complete and total boring for 24-hours straight.

Okay, okay, so I flew too close to the sun with that last one, but you have to be shooting at something in order to hit anything. I can tell you this though. I'm not answering the phone or the door on purpose next week. If you need something, you better call someone else, because I cannot help you. Even Wonder Woman needs a break. So, the next person I see who asks me how I am, I'm going to over share the completely inappropriate details of my personal life and see if I can transfer some of this crazy to someone else.

The Three Most Powerful Words

I was sitting in the classroom and overheard a group of teens discussing a potentially cheating girlfriend/boyfriend. One of the group mentioned that she thought 'once a cheater, always a cheater', and for the most part, the others agreed. I really mulled that over during the rest of the day as a spiritual matter. What are we teaching our kids as a culture about forgiveness.

We are so weak and frail as humans. We are tempted and tried and no one really knows what we go through on a daily basis. This line of thought continued late into the evening as I watched advertisements for the morally bankrupt new show "Revenge". Really? Revenge? No wonder we have no forgiveness in our hearts. It's all about the revenge.

Successful relationships of all kinds including friendships, love interests, those with our parents/children aren't always about loving enough, but maybe they are more about our ability to forgive each other. If I never forgave my father every time he was a jackwagon or if my children never forgive me every time I am irrational, we'd have no relationships at all. It's not the quantity of love, it's the quality of our forgiveness that allows us to continue in love.

Forgiveness is complicated. Some of us equate forgiveness with weakness or lack of backbone or an automatic pass for people to hurt us. Forgiveness sometimes seems impossible, because we are literally unable to forget past wrongs. They cling to us and, more often, us to them.

I have always been the kind of person who sort of lets things roll right off. No really, I know I can be forceful and cranky and opinionated, but most of the time, if you are a friend or someone in my close circle and you do something particularly snarky to me or the kids, I get over it. Usually, I get over it without a single word being uttered to the person in the conflict. Sure, sometimes I vent to people like The Husband, but I don't I don't need some big confrontation or a "moment" in order to get closure on the deal.

I just sort of keep walking in a straight line toward the goal line without wavering and eventually, the person I have conflict with is either left behind, catches up with me and walks along without another word, or I keep my blinders on long enough that it doesn't matter where you are walking so long as you don't impede my forward progress. It's a quiet sort of forgiveness.

It's been quite a successful deal so far.

But lately in my spiritual walk, it feels like that mandate in Scripture of forgiving seventy times seven is impossible. I'd rather be crusty and pout and be a child about it, which is human and completely justified, but that's the immature reaction to have, because forgiveness might be the best practical indicator of your spiritual maturity.

Really get this. I'm saying that I think your ability to forgive someone who has legitimately wronged you is a direct measure of your spiritual maturity.

Anyone can serve at church, but can you CONTINUE to serve at church after someone has been ugly to you or even legitimately wronged you? 

Anyone can tithe, but do you CONTINUE to tithe even when it's financially hard or is it has been based in the past on your excess rather than out of your need where it's supposed to be coming from?

Anyone can say, "I love you", but can you forgive a wrong and CONTINUE in love in a relationship (as friends, spouses, child/parent) with the offending party?

I told you it was complicated.

"I love you" is considered the most powerful phrase in the human experience, but "I forgive you" might be the more transforming phrase. "I love you" is largely contingent upon being returned. "I forgive you" is all on you and not on the other party. It's harder. It's dirtier. It's lonelier. And it's the right thing to do, even when you don't feel like it.

Why? Well, God said so. There's that. But it's also because it's the one thing that will eat you alive if you don't extend it to others. There just isn't any power behind your "I love you" if there isn't an accompanying  "I forgive you". They can't exist one without the other. You don't really love someone if you can't forgive them.

So, with all of that said, I forgive you, because I love you.

What I Hope My Daughters Understand

I've always loved to read. It's just my favorite. Over the Christmas break from school, I've been catching up on my Young Adult books that I put in my library at school. Man, there are some weird books out there. I'm all down with faeries and vampires and ghosts--whatever--but I'm seeing a really odd bend toward Nothingness. What I mean is an overall tone of despair, sadness, with parents who aren't involved or observant in the lives of their kids. It reads like a generation desperate to believe in something, anything. It's difficult to read once you notice it, because it's so demoralizing.

There are two kinds of girls in YA fiction:

The first group is made up of beautiful, cruel, mean, snobs who are deliberately tearing down the people around them in order to crawl to the top of the dead bodies and be queen. They are almost always sexually active, dressed provocatively, act out without any supervision or repercussions to their behavior, and are manipulative, evil people to their core. It's a case of the outside not matching the inside.

The second group are made up of main characters who are plain, dowdy, and unrecognized who come out of their shells by dressing differently (usually sluttier), getting contacts, and changing their hairstyles. That, or the main female character discovers some sort of "superpower". (This could be playing boys football or seeing supernatural characters.) She makes some mistakes, but it always a ugly duckling/swan scenario.

This type of thing just goes directly against what we are desperately teaching our girls. You don't have to be beautiful and mean or plain with a heart of gold. They aren't mutually exclusive states. Also, beauty is absolutely in the eye of the beholder. What one boy finds attractive might actually be repulsive to the Right Boy. It's why God made us in so many different shapes and sizes--so that everyone can find his/her flavor.

Here is what I want to discuss with my children after reading these novels:

I am involved in your life whether you like it or not. I will know where you go, what you do, and who you are doing with it. I will check up on you, because this is how honest people stay honest--accountability.

You're right--I don't trust you to always make the best decisions. This is why you are a child and not yet an adult. But even more than that, I don't trust anyone next to your person, and it's my number one priority to keep you safe and sound to let you continue to be a child for awhile longer. (Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.; Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.)

You do not call the shots in this house. I am the parent. I am not your best friend. This means that I will take action if you confide in me, and sometimes you won't like me. I don't care. My job is to raise you in the fear of the Lord, not to win a popularity contest. Don't worry; I'm tough enough to take it. Parents? You need to be where your kids are and have an active, responsible role in the lives of your children.

You are beautiful not because the world thinks so, but because your Heavenly Father says so. The standard of beauty changes from year to year. Your body type or hair type might be in fashion this year and out next year. You cannot rely on your face or body to make you or others happy. You might lose either or both of those sooner rather than later. Breast cancer, car accidents, surgeries, pregnancy will all change your body irreparably. (Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.)

You are not plain. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a work of art. You are the house of the Living God. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit. You are the Bride of Christ. And those things have nothing to do with the size of your jeans or the curl in your hair or the clothes on your body. (Proverbs 11:22 Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.)

The world does not revolve around  you. In fact, you are usually inconsequential to everyone in the world outside of me and your father. You cannot go around being cruel to people you perceive to be beneath you, because eventually you will be 'beneath' someone else, and they will return the favor.

One day there is going to be a man who sees you as you really are. Wait for that one. Don't settle for anything less. It's better to be alone than with just anyone. Life is too short to kill time in your relationships

Be the kind of person that influences others by just being and living a life that honors the Lord in your actions, your words, your activities, your dedication, and your love. Grow in your faith and in your spiritual relationship and God will provide the increase at the right time. Don't settle for ordinary or mean just because you are beautiful.

The Year in Review 2011

These are some "year in review" questions on a sister blog. I thought I might answer them kind of as a diary blog sort of thing. I'm about to make my students blog several times a week, so I might as well get back in the hang of things.

Me and The Husband

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

I'd have to say that teaching full time is the best thing that happened to me this past year. I like it, and it likes me. I hope I get to do it for many, many more years to come.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

This is almost too private to blog about, but I'll say this: You aren't married for 18 years to the same person on accident. It has to be on purpose. Both parties have to be fully committed. You both have to forgive each other daily and share 100% of yourselves with one another no matter what. Especially when things get hard.

Steve and Carl

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

Carl and Chris.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Carl and Chris.

5. Pick three words to describe 2011.
Heartbreaking + Heartwarming = Heart Full

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2011 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).  Steadfast. Helpful. Loving.

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2011 (again, without asking).  Eye-opening. Productive. Fruitful.

8. What were the best books you read this year?
Water for Elephants. I Am the Cheese. Wise Man's Fears.

Carter, Elise, Lilly, Elaina

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?  My children.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
I was faithful in my spiritual walk, work, play, school, home, marriage, church, etc. It's probably the first time in my life that I have ever applied myself from start to finish in every single area of my life. I hope that 2012 will be as special, but maybe not as challenging.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Songs that Should Go to Eleven

Shout out to my Spinal Tap breathren. Perhaps the best/worst movie of all time and definitely in my Top Ten List. Speaking of which, I recently bought a two-disc set of KISS greatest hits. I began educating my kids on the band (since they rock), and in the process I said that "I Was Made For Loving You" was overproduced pap made to appease the disco masses in the late 70's. It's a great disco track and a dreadful KISS track. I said to the Shorties that it's an 11 Song.

What is an 11 Song, Mommy?

One where the volume should go one notch louder to eleven on the dial. (See This is Spinal Tap)

Then I was asked for a list of other 11 Songs. Here they are in no particular order, and this is by  no means an exhaustive list, think of it  more as an appetizer:

1) I Was Made for Loving You, KISS

2) I've Been Thinking About You, London Beat (not to be confused with their hybrid band, Fine Young Cannibals)

3) Werewolves of London, Warren Zevon

4) Groove is in the Heart, DeLite

5) Controversy, Prince (not to be confused with the Artist Formerly Known as Prince)

6) The Look of Love, ABC (Car dancing mandatory)

7) Fire Woman, The Cult (Ususally look like I'm having some sort of seizure when walking with this song)

8) Consuming Fire, Third Day (Best Christian Rock Anthem ever)

9) Back in Black, AC/DC (ahem)

10) Pour Some Sugar on Me, Def Leppard (epic return of the one-armed drummer)

11) Respect, Aretha Franklin (she's the queen of soul. You have to headbob and sing along)

12) Hard to Handle, The Black Crows

13) Love is the Drug, Roxy Music

14) The Distance, Cake

15) Ain't No Other Man, Christina Aguilera

16) This is a Radio Clash, The Clash

17) Wrong Number, The Cure

18) I Drove All Night, Cyndi Lauper

19) Under Pressure, Queen featuring David Bowie

20) Somebody to Love, Queen

21) DJ Hit that Button, Dead or Alive

22) Every Time I Roll the Dice, Delbert McClinton

23) Planet Earth, Duran Duran

24) Long White Cadillac, Dwight Yoakum

25) Hoochie Coochie Man, Muddy Waters

26) Say You Love Me, Fleetwood Mac

27) Get Right Back, Maxine Nightengale

28) Ain't Going Down till the Sun Comes Up, Garth Brooks

29) Black Cat, Janet Jackson

30) Great Balls of Fire, Jerry Lee Lewis

31) Tutti Fruti, Little Richard

32) What if I Came Knocking, John Mellencamp

33) It's My Life, Bon Jovi and possibly Runaway, Bon Jovi

34) Torn and Tattered, Joss Stone

35) Don't Stop Believing, Journey

36) Bawitdaba, Kid Rock

37) Rock and Roll, Led Zeppelin

38) Rollin', Limp Bizkit

39) Dolphin's Cry, Live

40) Like a Prayer, Madonna

41) Disease, Matchbox Twenty

42) Come Out and Play, The Offspring

43) Heartbreaker, Pat Benetar

44) Roll with the Changes, REO Speedwagon

45) Hot Legs, Rod Stewart

46) Gimme Shelter, The Rolling Stones (and Honky Tonk Women and Sympathy for the Devil)

47) How Soon is Now, The Smiths

48) Love Struck Baby, Stevie Ray Vaughn

49) Wrap It Up, The Fabulous Thunderbirds (or agueably anything by The Fabulous Thunderbirds)

50) Moves Like Jagger, Maroon Five featuring Christina Aguilera--nod to the pop radio in this century

And that's a nice little start.

I Wish the Same for You

Every Saturday morning The Husband makes Real Breakfast. Like pancakes and bacon and eggs. Turns on the stove and everything. At first, I thought it was because he knew that if he didn't learn to make breakfast, he'd never get to eat it again, since I'm not exactly a Morning Person (ahem). But later in our marriage I learned that it was one of his love languages--showing care and concern and doing physical things for me and the kids that shows us how much he loves us. So, when I wake up on Saturdays, the house smells like fried maple bacon, pancakes, syrup, warm, honey, safe, family smells.

When I finally get out of bed and stumble to the bathroom on Saturday  mornings, I find that the drawers to the dresser are always half open. It's a mystery to me along the same lines of why-can't-he-put-his-underwear-in-the-hamper-instead-of-on-the-floor-next-to-the-hamper. I have no idea why the drawers are never shut. They don't have a mechanical problem. They close just fine. I sigh deeply and shut them every single week. without fail. 

See, The Husband gets up at 6:00 a.m. even on Saturday. He dresses and has coffee. He prays, meditates, walks five or six miles, (sometimes has to clean up where the dogs have gotten in the trash or where youth have rolled our yard), then he cooks breakfast for the family, while I snore and burrow deeper into the dark recesses of the bedding, praying that the kids will be quiet until 9:00 or later.

I have never one time cleaned up yard trash or toilet paper off of our lawn in 17 years of marriage.

And then one day it hit me.

See, if he closed the drawers on his sock, t-shirt, and underwear drawers while getting dressed at 6:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, the one day a week I get to sleep in, the noise might wake me, so he leaves them cracked after he collects his clothing. 

I'll let that soak in for a second.

What I took the first few years of our marriage to be complete laziness and idiocy on his part was really a kindness beyond measure. It might be the most considerate thing he could possibly do for me. So that I can sleep late, the man is so thoughtful that he doesn't even close the drawers all the way in case that small, tiny sound might disturb me.

I pray to God that my daughters marry men who can't find the hamper and don't shut the drawers all the way.

I love you, Pookey.

Back to Normal

I'm a last minute Christmas kind of girl. As in, I don't really start buying gifts until a week out. You'd think that with my Type A planning nature I'd be more on it than that, but I discovered a long time ago that the further out I start, the more I spend. It's like I keep buying and buying, but if I only have a week, well, you get what you get.

It's really rather freeing knowing that whatever is left on the shelf the week before the big day is all I have to choose from. And it's an adventure.

I'm an incredibly sarcastic person, so all of this happy, happy, joy, joy has been exhausting. Random thoughts out of nowhere...

Hey, to the people who dropped the half gallon of milk on the pavement next to the Yukon soaking the entire driver-side door up to the roof so completely that I couldn't get into the vehicle from that side and had to crawl through the passenger seat with my pedicure still wet, thanks a bunch for that. I hope the karma train rolls through your station real soon. (Yes, I know that the grammar was bad, but it sounded funnier that way.)

Hey, to the collection agency that keeps calling my house looking for Darylana G. Four years later and she still doesn't live here. Really. We mean it.

Hey, students. I can't pull your average out of my ear. I have no idea what your grade is (as I walk into the bathroom or out of the lunchroom). And at this point, I don't really care; I've got three teaching days left. You either did the work or didn't. We call that a YP, not an MP. (your problem/my problem) SO, TURN IN YOUR MAKE UP WORK!!!! (That felt good.)

Hey, to the half of the Christmas lights that won't come on. It reflects poorly on you that you're not doing the work, you slackers. I'm certainly not replacing you at $22.00 a roll, so you'd better suck it up. (Seriously? When did Christmas lights go up so much?)

Hey, all of the errands I need to run and housekeeping I need to get busy with. I'm too busy reading this book; you'll still be there when I finish, so hold your horses.

Hey, pest control man. What do you mean you don't remove the carcasses? What am I paying you for? I could have put the poison in the attic by myself. Sheesh.

I guess all of that counting my blessings business had to end somewhere. :-) It's good to be back to myself again.

Bah. Humbug.