The Four Shorties: The Power of a Quick "Yes"

Kids hear “no” or “don’t” over and over all day at school, church, and home. It’s said so often that it’s one of the first powerful words a toddler learns to say.

Because “no” is the default answer to most questions they ask, I said yes to my kids all of the time in virtually every circumstance when physically possible. There were three basic guidelines for a sudden ask.

1) Don’t ask for the permission in front of the person it concerns,

2) if it involves money, you have to ask privately,

3) have a pretty solid plan in mind when you approach.

That was basically it.

Sonic run at 10:00 on a school night?

Yup. Bring me a shake.

Can I paint my room black?

Okay with me. Put down a tarp, please.

I want to shave an undercut in my hair.

Yeah, but you have to have it done professionally.

We want to dig a trench in the yard and fill it with water. Maybe swim in it. Thoughts?

Sure thing. Long not deep so you don’t drown or collapse it, please.

Mom, we heard about this 5k fun run where they spray foam all over you and they have black lights for a glow-in-the-dark rave hosted by a dj, but it’s immediately after the weekend volleyball tournament—like an hour after we finish the tournament. What do you think?

I think we need custom tshirts and glow paint and glow sticks and a cool racing team name.

Can we invite ten people to spend the night from my college dorm? They live too far to make it home ahead of the storm for the mandatory closing oh, and we need to come right now. We will be there in three hours.

Yah. No problem. They’ll have to pile in but okay.

Can we light the Christmas tree from the trash pile on fire?

OK. Make sure the hose reaches it.

We found this dog outside without a collar. If it doesn’t have a home, can we keep it?

Bathe it. Bring it in. You have to clean up after it.

I really want a tattoo. What do you think?

K. Brandon Evans is the only person doing that to your body.

So, there were boundaries, but for the most part, it was always a yes. Why? Because the way kids and teens move into being productive, confident, assertive adults is to independently take moderate risks and problem solve alone without immediate adult interference. They have to try. Fail. Try again. Take calculated risks and make mistakes. Try again. Problem solve. Trouble shoot. Try again. They learn lessons when you give them opportunities to face results and consequences.

There’s nothing about having kids that’s comfortable or clean or peaceful. Quite frankly, they’re the opposite. So inviting their friends over, allowing them to be foolish, taking them on ridiculous outings, being inconvenienced, and allowing them to be kids should just be part of the package. Why would you want to say no?

Seriously, they were A students.

Was that hour to Sonic going to damage the GPA that much?

I can repaint.

It’s hair—it grows back (see: cancer).

The yard is dirt; there’s more of it, and the hole can be filled in.

Our racing team name was The Foamy Glowers, and we killed that rave. (I thought I was going to die from exhaustion since it was the week school started, but we did that thing.)

Your home doesn’t have to be clean; it has to be available.

The Christmas tree was admittedly a little dicey there for a second, but Carter came in clutch and saved the day (while the girls laughed and took selfies—completely on brand.) (We also learned valuable life lessons about proximity and accelerant.)(Ahem)

Those dogs that wandered up were the absolute best.

The tattoos are straight fire. (Well, the “do more” tattoo was stupid, but now that three of us on the fun bus have it, it’s cool again and is quite literally one of the funniest things that has ever happened in our family.)

This is known as “perspective” or “balance” or “it was hilarious” or “Mom said yes! Get in the car!” Or “We did it for the Gram.” Or “We had the best childhood.”

Absolute truth: my kids were never afraid to ask me anything, because they knew I would really consider the request. When I did say no, I always backed it up with rational, reasonable requests for more information or explanations about why it was a negative. Now that they are adults, guess who is the first person they call when they are considering something risky or strange or difficult or mundane or questionable?

(Me. It’s always me.)

Try saying yes and see what happens. They might surprise you. You might have an easier relationship to navigate. You actually might have this thing we call “fun” on occasion yourself. (See: matching Maverick and Goose tshirts at a 5k foam glow rave with the bestie.)

And is it so bad that you’re a little inconvenienced or your peace is disturbed? (How you respond to that question right there is your ticket to board the fun bus and not everyone gets to ride.)

Stuff is going to get broken. Things might be damaged. It might be crowded and loud and exhausting. But I can guarantee it won't be boring, and it will absolutely be worth it.

So, is you rollin’ with the squad or nah?

(Yes. A thousand times yes.)