Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Joking/Not Joking: It's a Fine Line

We've had a bizarre week. I'm not sure how much stress one person can take before there is a margarita relapse in her future. (A joke.) Here are some completely random observations.

My mother has been in the hospital with major surgery. She is an even worse patient than I am. She was giving some poor nurse up the river about being served green jello three times in a row.  (Not a joke.)

The dog was hit by a car, went into the woods in the dark where we couldn't find her all night. Turned up in the morning on the back porch and had to be hauled to the vet for observation. We went from "absolutely dead in the woods, hysterically crying son", to "hey, all is well", but in the moment, man, oh, man. (Not a joke.)

The same dog that we were praising God for a few days ago tore up the neighbor's dirty diaper trash all over our yard. (Not a joke.) The Husband, who was cleaning up said mess, might have been praising God or damning the dog's soul to The Bad Place for all eternity. Not sure. (A joke.)

We had Crazy Person phone calls this week. (Only someone in ministry truly understands what this means.) But it's when someone is mad or upset or disgruntled at you for no obvious reason they Just Are. Or maybe you have an uncle or in-law who does this. (Not a joke.)

My daughter had some sort of idiot teenager moment in a public place embarrassing herself half to death.  (Not a joke.) For someone who suffers from generalized anxiety disorder, she might require a hospital stay to recover from the horror. (A joke. Mostly.)

We are dealing with a volatile family court situation, so I'd advise anyone who is familiar with us NOT to just open our door and walk into the house anymore or risk having me defend myself on the Stand Your Ground Law up close and personal like over your dead body. (Not a joke.) And this is Alabama, so I'm probably not doing any time or even seeing the inside of a courtroom. (Also, not a joke.)

Channing Tatumn is a child. Bruce Willis, however, is smoking hot. This is how I know that I'm Old. (Not a joke.) This is also how I chose to see RED 2 instead of White House Down. What? There is another way to choose a movie? (A joke.)

Sometimes people don't get the joke. Don't be one of those people. Or else you might BE the joke.

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