Friday, November 2, 2012

Day Two: Thankful for Parenting Fails. It Means I'm the Mommy.

Parenting Fails. I've had my share. (So have you; shut up.)

1.) Lillian ate chocolate off of the floor in my classroom even after I told her to drop it. My response? I laughed. Okay, so maybe she needed a spanking, but seriously? I might eat chocolate off of the floor too. I also happen to know that it was her sister's from snack. (Not that it makes any difference, since it was ON THE FLOOR, but you see where I'm coming from.)

Making everyone comply
one photo at a time
2.) I "promised" to take my kids trick or treating this year. It just worked out in my favor that the Number One Son went to a friend's house on Halloween and forgot about it, then we had church and it just didn't come up. Lucky me, right? Well, he reminded me that "the Bible says don't make a promise you don't intend to keep". I can justify all I want, but I should have kept him home and gone trick or treating. What I counted a "lucky break" getting out of it he counted as the deepest kind of betrayal--a broken promise.
Lovely. Just lovely.
3.) My kids think that Chuck E. Cheese has been "closed for renovations" for a decade.

4.) I once spanked the wrong child and then blamed her for it. Loudly.

5.) The first thing I taught my girls to do independently in the kitchen was to make their own breakfast so that I could sleep later. My kids still think it's like a cardinal sin worthy of a Papal visit for absolution if they wake me up too early on Saturday morning. (I'm still not sure that I actually repent of this one.)

6.) If I can't figure out who did it, everyone is punish-ed.

Lillian dressed like a homeless person.

7.) My kids are obedient out of Big Fear. I threaten any sort of public humiliation to achieve total world domination. I will dance in the orthodontist's office. I will post Nekkid Bebe Photos if you hack my Facebook, so on and so forth. And they know I mean it. The threat of your mother throwing down in the dentist's office is powerful (and probably psychologically damaging), but rather effective at the same time.

8.) The Little Flower is wearing all of her brother's hand-me-downs. What? She doesn't know or care. Why do you?

9.) The Husband and I are thinking about going to Disney without the kids. I think that might be over the top even for me.

 10.) I'm still Mother of the Year in Johnsonville. Of course, I'm running unopposed, but whatever.