The Slight

This one is going to be a little different....

So, one of my daughters attends an all-female college in the middle of rural Alabama. It's a treasure. I'm pro-Judson all the way all of the time and believe in her message and methods. The college hosted a huge author symposium featuring several highly respected, accomplished Judson alumni authors. It was an impressive display and quantity of quality work. I made an open call to my female students in 11-12th grade to attend the symposium, understanding that it might be a little dry (simply because of the interest track of teenage girls). But there would be a lovely tour of of the campus, and I genuinely felt like several of our students are a perfect fit for the Judson Girl model.

The first speaker and author presented were compelling--the author led an exciting, varied life with shades and colors that spoke of her adventurous lifestyle. The second author was a little more local--she basically lived, wrote, and died all in the confines of rural Perry County, Alabama and while a riveting writing talent, it wasn't as--shall we say thrilling?--as the first author. The speaker also matched the lifestyle of the author, presenting in a monotone, anti-climactic delivery style. Then, the aged, quiet, monotone man, who had been allotted an hour of time, spoke twenty minutes past the deadline into the lunch hour. A rather large group of visiting teens from the local high school got up ten minutes into his overage and simply evacuated the speech to find the dining hall. My girls stayed seated and waited for the conclusion. They were respectful, quiet, stayed off of their phones, and were mostly engaged, which is the absolute limit to the expectations I had for their behavior under the circumstances.

At the end of this incredibly long oration, as we began to stand and stretch it out a bit an elderly lady who had been seated behind my row of high school juniors, addressed one of my young ladies. I sincerely thought she was complementing Ashley on her outfit. Ashley said thank you to the woman, and we left to find the dining hall. Lined up for the food buffet, Ashley told us that the woman was actually scolding her and said, "I have never sat behind someone so rude in all my life."

Now, keep in mind I was literally two people down from Ashley and the whole crew. They didn't giggle, whisper, raise voices, speak over the speaker, fidget, play on phones, doodle...in fact, they sat still and attempted to listen. I believe that I was vibrating and humming far more than any student in my peripheral vision and even busted out the candy in the bottom of my purse halfway through his speech to maintain my own focus. (Quite frankly, it was painful twenty minutes late and into lunch to restrain myself from fidgeting, and I'm a fifty-year-old woman who was married to a man in pastorate 20 years. Seriously. If I can't do it, mere mortals have no hope.)

I couldn't believe it. If I had a do-over I'd have told that woman what I thought about her comment directly to her face. Since we were no longer in proximity and I lost the opportunity, I'm going to do it right here and now in this forum.

Madam,

I convinced five girls from the junior class of my small, Christian school to come to this event. None are strong fiction writers or desire to pursue English degrees. Not one of those girls has ever read any of the authors presented at the symposium or has any interest in reading them. Several of them are, however, solid candidates to be Judson girls. The current freshman class at Judson College has fewer than sixty students. (That isn't a typo: SIXTY STUDENTS COMPRISE THE WHOLE FRESHMAN CLASS IN THE WHOLE COLLEGE.)

Our tiny Christian school has sent three students to Judson in recent years. One graduated a year ago, one is my daughter who is a current sophomore, and one is in that diminutive freshman class I just referenced. That's right, out of 28 graduates in their respective classes, three of ours became Judson Girls.

So, the odds of one of those five girls I brought to the conference choosing Judson are inordinately high for our school. That is, until you opened your big, fat, rude, condescending, morally judgy mouth and said something that was not only a blatant lie but also unbelievably below the standards of the college you represented yesterday as an alumni. Publicly calling out and addressing other people's failings (perceived or real) like you did is beneath a lady in any circumstance. I would have been mortified if one of my girls had done that to you. And you are supposed to know better, Ma'am.  They could have at least plead ignorance or lack of experience. You are without excuse.

We continued to enjoy our day, touring the school, meeting some current students, but that one sentence uttered in a moment of anger at whatever perceived slight that woman felt, colored the entire experience. It was the main topic of conversation on our hour-long ride home.

Here's my takeaway:
1) Be careful with your mouth, especially when dealing with people you don't know. Your words carry weight and should be measured accordingly.

2) A lady should behave in a way that is meant to instruct or correct, not belittle or harm.

3) You don't deserve respect just because you are past a certain age. I told the girls in my car this, and I meant it: You don't respect elderly people because they are old. You respect all people because it's simply the right thing to do. But the second someone actually disrespects you, defend yourself.

I am raising warriors, thinkers, challengers, ladies and gentlemen, persuaders, crusaders, gypsies, explorers, and provokers. And in that vein there is no room for snobbery and shortsighted behavior.