Judging the Judge

Watching the Kavanaugh committee testimony on television was excruciating to me. I guess because he was being called to explain things that most adults have at least flirt with in their youth. (Let me be clear this is NOT an analysis or justification about Kavanaugh. I don't care enough about that deal personally to have a fully formed opinion.)

But what did concern me was the fact that the powers that be analyzed his high school yearbook down to the minutia. It has made me reflect on some of my previous life experiences that probably ought to be sealed records. Let's clarify. I tell most of these things as a part of my testimony, so they aren't really secrets. More like anecdotal evidence of being a broken person who made poor life choices.

In high school before my salvation I...

1. Lied. (Repeatedly.) 
2. Fornicated. (Repeatedly.)
3. Drove fast. (Occasionally.) 
4. Got a speeding ticket. (One.) 
5. Had several physical altercations where I physically intimidated other humans. 
6. I cheated on some tests.
7. I wrote papers for other people for money and to stir up strife.
8. The first person I ever fell in love with was a girl. (And I still love her to this day.) 
9. I lied about where I was going and who I was with and what we were doing there. (Repeatedly.)
10. I sneaked out of the house. (Repeatedly.) 
11. I slept over at my boyfriend's house. (Almost all of my first two years of college.)
12. I rented hotel rooms in B'ham so we could all break curfew and lay out all night. (Yes, in high school.) 
13. I tried marijuana. (I inhaled.)
14. I was mean as a snake to people I was supposed to love and protect as friends.
15. I made out once with a boy at a concert without knowing his last name. (Like the Titanic was going down sort of making out.) 

I also kept a part-time job, did every single theater production, made A's in school, graduated with the highest level diploma offered in my high school, didn't get pregnant or arrested. I was a stellar student.  I was a "good kid." I was trusted. I was in charge of lots of things. I was a leader. I had numerous, wonderful heart friends. I had the best time ever. I never got in any serious trouble (mostly because no one knew.) You can absolutely appear to be bright and shiny on the outside and be completely rotten to the core.

While doing all of that...


I kept a meticulous calendar with diary entries, dates, places, and times. I still have them dating back to 1984. I'm missing one college year and the year I graduated college and moved home. (It had something to do with my parent's divorce, or maybe I just didn't want to remember anything, so I didn't write it down.)

If I ever get called on to testify and that data is necessary, all of y'all are going down, because your names are listed down to a man. Hotel we stayed in. Who was there. What we did. Jokes we told. Sometimes there are photos. I kept that same exact kind of journal for my infertility experience and for all of my pregnancies. I printed them for my kids to have one day if they are ever interested. It has what we ate and where we went and what movies we watched and what my blood levels were and if I puked and what was going on in my spiritual life at the time. They are incriminating and freeing all at the same time. (So, yes, I know factually that it's possible for someone to keep detailed journals and calendars dating back that far. I even have the exact day I lost my virginity listed.)

And if you started going through my yearbooks you'd be appalled at what my friends wrote as inside jokes, lovingly teasing commentary, roasting other students, roasting me, laughing at people in the margins. My character would also be destroyed by eye-witness testimony of people I wronged. Repeatedly.

And in spite of all of that, or maybe even because of it, I am completely, totally, amazingly fit to teach high school English. :-) I'm excellent at it, as a matter of fact. I have a bright, shiny, sparkling spiritual testimony. I make sure every day that I am setting an example, and when I fail at that I am quick to apologize and correct. I am prepared. I work hard. I am organized. I have an unparalleled work ethic. I am passionate. And maybe most importantly of all, I love the kids.  I stand as their defender and champion and biggest fan.

I love my job. I love Mondays. I love staying late and working on extra projects that have nothing to do with school work. I love going to sports and being involved. I love the Fun Bus stuff. And I'm preparing the Little Angels for college in a method that has proven effective in over a decade of teaching. I love these kids with an agape sort of love. I love them when they are unlovable, because I have been unlovable.

I'm all of those things at one time, in one breath, because human nature dictates that I'm not one thing. I'm lots of things. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Just like you. Just like all of us. It's the human condition to be contradictions.  I thank God that there is forgiveness and restoration for past mistakes and transgressions of youth. I'll pray for the same for your kids when they try to do amazing things in the future like become Supreme Court Justices or maybe just decent human beings. Because those same broken, difficult, sneaky kids might just one day become something spectacular, and I surely hope that past sins don't disqualify them from future service.

(See: Paul, James, John, Peter, Rahab, Moses, Tamar, Jonah, Noah, Abraham, David, Saul, etc.)

~Mrs. C