20 Random Factoids

Random Facts:

1.) I'm not a very nice person. I'm a holy person. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

2.) Not everyone suddenly likes you just because you have cancer or someone close to you has cancer. Some people still dislike you. That's okay. Right back at you, Slick.

3.) One of the meanest mammals on earth is a 7th-8th grade girl. Or her mother. Sometimes it's a toss up.

4.) I don't have to like everyone. I have to love them. There is a great gulf fixed between the two, and they rarely meet.

5.) If people are gossiping about you, you have great power over them. And they handed it to you. This is a powerful truth. You're welcome.

6.) Wield your mouth like the weapon it is. Carefully. With calculation and moderation. For maximum impact with the fewest words possible. Or sheath it and shut it and live to fight another day. Choose wisely.

7.)  Christmas brings out the weirdest gifts in people. Like with a capital W.


8.) If you don't believe half of what your kids say about me as their teacher, I won't believe half of what they say about you.

9.)  Sometimes you are the Griswolds. Sometimes you are Cousin Eddie. Laugh at yourself either way.

10.) If someone asks you if you want things to be fair or if you want mercy, always, always, always take mercy. Fair rarely works out in your favor.

11.) Never underestimate the power of a well-placed 'thank you'. And sometimes you should just do stuff without the need for a 'thank you'.

12.) Influence is measurable. Look at their children.

13.) Sometimes it takes a cuss word. It just does. And I'm not sorry.

14.) Apologize first and often. Mean it when possible.

15.) Don't buy weight loss or exercise equipment for a gift. Ever. There are no exceptions.

16.) If you tell me Naynuh did it, you are a dirty, rotten liar. If you tell me The Number One Son did it, I'll believe it's totally possible and probable. If you tell me Big E did it, I'll snort and say, 'Oh, I'm totally sure she did'. And if you tell me The Little Flower wasn't there, I'll laugh and laugh, because I know she probably orchestrated it then gave 'em the slip.

17.) Your kid will do that and probably did do it without any encouragement from the peanut gallery. Never say never. God will make it your kid just to prove a point.

18.) Just pose for the dadgum photo already. We all know what you look like. And when you preview the photo for publication, that is exactly what you look like, Sunshine. Get over it.

19.) If you have to list out everything you've done for me, it must be weighing on you that you aren't working enough. Just work harder. I promise I'll notice. And if I don't, Number 11 to you.

20.) That's all I've got for today.