The Secret

So, for the past three years in my personal life there is something that hasn't been public--it's been hidden away like a little treasure. Like a secret. A big one.

Here it is...

My spiritual walk has been killing it.

(Whew. It's a relief to have that finally out there in the open.)

I've been on my face seeking the Lord more fervently in the last three years than perhaps all of the other years I've been saved combined. I've read through the entire Bible again. Twice. I've prayed without ceasing. I've cried out to the Lord. I've memorized large chunks of Scripture for the first time in my life. I've repented. I've begged God for healing and restoration and forgiveness and provision and guidance. I've had close, unbending heart friends who have guided me in Scripture, prayed with and for me, held me up when I was weak and in the flesh, given me powerful and sound counsel to avoid falling into the pit myself.

And through all of that, I've come to these life-altering, faith changing conclusions:

Most people who profess Christ and say they are walking closely with the Lord are really under a great delusion. They are living empty-shell lives--beautiful on the outside, a perfect image presented to please the crowd--but the inside is rotten to the core. (1 Samuel 16:7) There is nothing authentic in their walk. They want to present a brave face without any substance. This is perhaps the saddest thing of all in the church.

Lots and lots of people are living under a series of rules and restrictions not rooted in love but in personal ideology. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Human rules are ever changing. God rules stand in any storm.

Sometimes people are unconcerned with truth at all--they simply desire to be justified or "right" rather than righteous. Your being right all of the time will send people straight to Hell simply because the Lost find you completely intolerable and won't listen to your gospel, because you're screaming it at them from a high, lofty, ridiculous perch. You aren't right or righteous. You are ridiculous. (Remember Paul became all things to all people that he might reach some.)

I've sat in church with people quoting scripture, praising the Lord, singing songs, bowing in prayer, (even lecturing me about my spiritual walk--where I almost cackled laughing because of The Secret) and then publicly, loudly, repeatedly the same people refused to forgive a close relative of a perceived grievance. (Matthew 6:15) You cannot say you hate your brother and Love the Lord. (Sorry about it.) (No, I amend that--YOU should be sorry about it.)

Having been the pastor's wife for quite some time now, I know lots of your business. Lots. Of. It. Most of us have no room for judgment. Like you should be embarrassed and seeking God's face for yourselves. (Sorry about it.) (No, that was a lie. I'm not sorry at all. It makes me feel sorry FOR you.)

Some folks need to seriously learn that list of things God hates. I'm not kidding. You are confused about what really irks God the Father. (Hint: it isn't adultery or homosexuals or pregnancy out of wedlock or cuss words in literature.) (Proverbs 6:16-19) (Anyone who knows me knows I'm not sorry at all about it.)

David begged God in like almost, oh, all of the Psalms he wrote (under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, might I add) for God to crush his enemies in violent, direct, profound ways. I've discovered that is a freeing prayer. Eventually, you get around to forgiving, because you pray over and over for some crazy person and God finally brings it around to your part in the problem and you get to repent again. So, I know factually some of you have been attacking me and/or my family but haven't prayed for us.

Shame on you.

God isn't amused by that at all, and He and I are tight at the moment. Like on fire tight. I'm afraid for you, so I pray for you. Not kidding. Neither is God. (Psalm 35 to you.) (Sorry about it.) (No, I take that back; I'm not sorry about it at all. I probably need to pray again. I know I need to pray again. We all need to pray again. And the Holy Spirit needs to interpret for me personally on a daily.)

With all of that said, God is a God of restoration and forgiveness. The key to both of those things is up to you--it's repentance. You can't click the tumblers of the lock until you really say you are sorry and really mean it and really turn from your wickedness. I'm so thankful that I've learned the Secret to that lock and am applying it liberally, daily. I wish the same for you.