Basketball Senior Night 2018

Elaina, Kimberly, Samantha, Logan, Kiki--Seniors 2018

This was the Worst Night Ever.
Senior Night.
Elaina's last basketball game.
I can't even.

She began playing Upward in second grade. She showed a little interest in playing basketball on into middle school, but only sort of as a passing idea or concept--she didn't think she'd actually play for real for real.

Then this bizarre twist of fate happened. In seventh grade Elaina had a growth spurt. Like big one. She went from 5'3 to 5'7 over two years. She was one of the tallest kids in the middle school. And coach, Todd Stephens, had an even bigger problem on the varsity team--he had 4 seniors who were getting ready to graduate and no tall girls coming up. When he approached Elaina and another girl in her grade about playing on the basketball team I pulled him aside and said, "You've got to be kidding. Have you seen her run?"

He laughed and promised that he would take care of her and that it would be good for her in every possible way. I trusted Todd more than maybe anyone I have ever worked with before. He was dead on the money; it was very, very good for her.

Now, everyone knows that I almost worship my children. It's a borderline problem. So, when I tell this you need to keep that fact in mind.

Elaina is clumsy.

Like seriously, she's the most clumsy person in the world. She was so uncoordinated and lacked balance like you can't believe. This is the kid we put in gymnastics not to learn tumbling but so she'd stop falling over so much. (I'm not kidding.)

Case in point: One night I was sitting in the stands a little too closely to the opposing team. Elaina Big Number 3 took to the floor and did her loping, awkward T-Rex run up the court, and a lady turned to her friend and loud whispered, "It is so sweet when they let the special-needs kids play like that." I snort laughed. (So did Naynuh when I told her later that night.)

When Coach Caleb took over the team in her eighth grade year he had some average athletes who were all incredibly short, then these two eighth grade girls who were sort of tallish but had absolutely no playing time or experience (and Naynuh is almost challenged in her ability to run in a straight line).

The other tallish girl turned to Elaina the night before the first practice and declared that she was outie, so guess who was on deck? Elaina was literally told to get under the basket and get in the way. And she did.

Funny thing--Coach thought she was 16 for an entire year until she finally broke it to him that she was only 13 years old. She was just really tall and showed great maturity. She's been playing up ever since.

She might look like a special needs kid when she runs, but let me clarify a few things about my child and her athletic career.

• She played with a raging case of the flu once because Coach had no one else to put in her spot. She doped up, took a steroid shot (which she is DEATHLY AFRAID OF), and made three massive rebounds that night. I have never been more proud of anyone in my life. 
• When a tall girl enrolled in her grade at our school for a year and bumped Naynuh out of her starting spot, Elaina cheered loudly from the stands for that girl and her team. She never stopped cheering, considered quitting, or let her feelings get in the way of her commitment to the team. 
• She never missed a game--not a single one from seventh grade to twelfth. We even came home early from some vacations and missed some family events for basketball. She made a commitment and honored it. 
• She went to away basketball camp two years even though she called home every night crying to come home. 
• She never said, "I can't do that." 
• She never said, "I won't do that."
• She only fouled out of one game in her entire career.
• She played hurt (two massive sprained ankle injuries that required doctor's visits, pain killers, ice baths, special braces), played tired, played sick, and sometimes played positions she didn't understand. 

She is a richer, better person because of the sport of basketball, and I am eternally grateful to Todd Stephens, Caleb Jones, and Marilyn Jones (who coached her in volleyball and then recruited her for volleyball team manager when she decided she'd had enough of balls flying toward her head) for their influence and investment into the life of my child.

She learned hard, valuable lessons from your coaching and teaching. She learned hard work, overcoming challenging situations, dedication, commitment, team work, forgiveness, communication, how to find joy in the little things, how to win and lose gracefully, and most of all how to be a part of something bigger than personal desires. You loved my child and poured into her. She will always remember your life lessons. 

So many people poured into the sports experience by

simply showing up and being a part of...

If you have a child considering

playing a sport, I want to tell you this--they will learn as much from the friendships, the bus rides, the failures, the losses, the injuries, the ridiculousness, the pep rallies, the meals after games, the gossip, the coaching wins and coaching fails, the temper tantrums, the missed calls by the refs, the gimmie calls by the refs, the school spirit, the responsibility, the practices, the conditioning, and the interpersonal relationships than they will learn from any single victory. Win, lose, or draw, it was absolutely, unequivocally worth it in every single conceivable meaning of the words. Worth. It. 

I am proud beyond all measure of my beautiful Elaina. Not for any accomplishment, but simply because she refused to quit and kept on in spite of. I love you, Naynuh. Go Big #3!!!! 

#3 Getting big in the paint

8th grade playing varsity. She's supposed to be playing defense on that sasquatch on her left. 

#3 on the defense

Both my babies are #3. 

I Already Knew I had a Houseful of Queens.

Big Week in Johnsonville.

So...we had homecoming 2017-2018

Hannah came back to crown (since she was the reigning Homecoming Queen her senior year 2016-2017). Elise and Elaina were both on the homecoming court as senior class representatives. More shocking than that was the fact that Lilly was nominated for seventh grade class representatives. So, all of my girls were involved in one way or another. It was really incredibly special and won't ever be that way again.

Sister, Naynuh, Karebear, Grandbear, Big E, and the Little Flower

Elaina, Lilly, Hannah

Aunt KK came to see us crowned! (She really doesn't need a tiara.) 

Lilly's idiot friends. (Duh, I'm popular.)

Fun Bus members from way back: Tanner and Clyde

Grandbear escorted Elaina

Carter escorted Big E

I love this photo--Hannah holding the crown in the background watching C and E walk. 

Squad up.

Seniors: Elaina, Kiki, Elise, Kim, Samantha (Original G Fun Bus Squad)

E didn't really need a crown to solidify her rule as Queen.

The Little Flower proving that miracles happen. 

Beginning of the Ending

All the news thus far...

So, here it is...the last day of our in-patient chemo cycle. It has simultaneously lasted a blink of an eye and an eternity. (Time is a trick like that.)

Next up, we had our consultation yesterday with Dr. Keene (our radiation oncologist at UAB) to set up a "mapping" CT. Basically, they will take intense measurements and make a "mask" to ensure that the radiation only hits the smallest area possible while targeting the tumor on her esophogus/windpipe/aorta. They are hopeful that the tumor is almost non-existent when we begin the radiation and that it's only given as a precaution to avoid recurrence.

The radiation will target the first place the cancer was detected and aim at completely erradicating it. It will remove even microscopic things that can't be detected yet but might still be there. The biggest fear with the type of cancer Elise has is that reoccurance almost always occurs at the original site, so they want to get it out and remove any possibility of that beastie crawling back in there in the future.

The list of things that can happen as side effects and future possible cancers being created by the radiation was extensive and horrifying. (Don't google it. I'm not kidding. You might not sleep at night.) She will also have some permenant lifestyle changes. For example, the radiation will impact her salivary glands, throat, heart, lungs, thyroid, and breasts. She will have to begin having routine breast exams at 25--and not regular mamograms--she will have MRI breast scans every year from 25 years of age forward. Future thyroid problems are the most common with the location and kind of radiation she will receive, so we will keep a close eye on that.

After this horrifying litany of 'what ifs', the conversation ended with me asking if the benefits clearly outweighed the future risks and the doctor replied soundly, without hesitation, that this is absolutely the course of treatment she would use with her own child and no way would she risk the lymphoma coming back over a possible future thyroid issue. So, we are all in.

The actual radiation doesn't hurt at all, it's the side effects because of the location that are scary and truthfully, a little overwhelming.

The schedule thus far:

• Mapping Ct at UAB with Dr. Keene (radiation oncologist) February 5th when her blood counts are back up. This visit determines the length, strength, and duration of her radiation treatment.
• Begin radiation therapy at UAB every day (out patient--we drive back and forth) five days a week. (this falls in the afternoons meaning that I won't even have to miss teaching. And no more overnights in the hospital unless she gets sick.) 
• Pray some more.
• Re-scan. 
• Determine if the whole show is eradicated or if we need more chemo/radiation. 
• While all of the new stuff is going on, we will continue to have Tuesday clinic days at Children's to monitor blood work, heart, lungs, white count, etc. 

If (and this is a huge if) everything pans out like we are hoping and the stars line up correctly, Elise could actually get cleared to go back to school after Spring Break. We are praying to that end. She'd have the last month of her senior year, the play, etc. It's important, so we are asking everyone to join us praying and thanking God for the outcome.

Love,
Charlotte
and the Fun Bus

#BigEkickingtheBigC
#5shorties
#funbus
#funbusdetour
#gangsterstrong
#andstillirise
#eliseisagangster

Philippians 4:4-8 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

Invictus

 

Invictus

William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Alpha and Omega

Taken one hour after diagnosis.

This photo was taken the day we found out Elise had cancer. We'd gone in for a CT scan in the morning and expected results (results meaning we expected nothing serious) approximately five days later only to be called by our general practitioner's office to come in immediately for results.

Taken on first day of last in-patient cycle chemo. 

Steve and I found out she had lymphoma (unsure what kind and how severe). We went home immediately and told Elise. I'd cried about an hour solid before being able to tell her. Then after we told her, I leaked another hour. This photo makes it apparent that I've been squalling, but E was completely calm. Maybe shock? But she kept hugging me and telling me over and over that she loved me, and it was all going to be okay regardless. She comforted me more than I comforted her that day.

Fast forward...

This photo was today, the beginning of her last chemo cycle. We still have radiation to plow through (which is going to be the hardest, most expensive, physically demanding, and difficult part), but this is the last day of in-patient chemo if everything goes correctly. We've had some down days. We had some sad days. We've had some hard days.

I've cried a handful of times between then and now. Less than I would have expected. Mostly because Elise is so strong. Steve is so supportive. Lynn is so helpful. Elaina is such a natural mom. Carter is so compassionate. And Lillian is so easy. Everyone in Johnsonville has played a significant part in the success of our household. And there are countless people outside of our immediate house who have supported us beyond all measure.

But here's what I really want to tell you about what has happened between these two photos--one on the first day of our diagnosis and one at the beginning of our last cycle.

Nothing. Nothing has happened.

We are exactly the same.

We are (still) a family who loves one another completely, irrationally, totally, magnificently, loudly, overwhelmingly, powerfully, and wholly. (There are no people breathing air who love each other more than those who live in my house.)

We are (still) people of great faith.

We are (still) in tact.

We are (still) hopeful.

We are (still) present.

Family and Friends are sometimes the same thing. 

We are (still) supportive.

We are (still) loved.

We are (still) rich.

We are (still) powerful.

We are (still) resilient.

We are (still) everything God planned for us to be.

We are (still) undefeated.



I hope that when your time of struggle and testing comes (and rest assured, come it will) that you are able to say that He has been faithful even in adversity. No matter the journey or the outcome, I will praise His name! I am most thankful of all that we are...still. And it's only because He is Always.

Sail On! Sail On! Sail On!

Information from the end of Round Three (day 64): 

Elise is severely anemic from treatment, so she had a blood transfusion today. They gave her two units over the course of four hours. She was in the hospital clinic for ten hours having tests, giving blood, getting blood, etc. Going into the hospital like that is more than exhausting. Our girl handles it like a champ, talking to and encouraging the people around her. I think she knows all of the nurses and half of the patients by name.

Transfusion!

Today, her daddy took her to do the hospital stuff at Children's. That was an adventure for both of them. Anyone who knows The Husband knows that he doesn't do "being still" very well. Thank goodness the nurses were in and out of the room allowing him to jog around the hospital for small breaks.

Some of her numbers were really off, so we repeated a breathing test to check lung function. We don't have results yet. I was there for the last breathing test. It's a pretty funny little deal.  The test is loud and isolated and just plain out and out weird. Elise is put into this chamber and given a breathing apparatus to blow into. It tests her lung capacity, strength, processing, etc.

Breathing test aka "LET ME OUT!"

Steve got so tickled at the woman administering the test because she's screaming through the glass over the equipment noise of the machinery at Elise, "Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck!!! Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!!!" 

I think The Husband momentarily reverted into a 14-year-old white boy there for a second (think Beavis and Butthead). He and Elise couldn't stop laughing inappropriately (naturally--we are Johnsons).

(Seriously, it's really, really awkward.)

(Admittedly, weirdest test ever outside of a barium enema, but that's a story for another blog.)

Elise also having some pretty significant lower back pain in her tail bone and hip bones. That's pretty normal for chemo (it weakens your bones to the very core, since it harms your bone marrow production), so it's not unexpected, but it still stinks being in almost constant pain. She's loathe to tell anyone she feels bad. She has to be really low to tell you she's hurting or tired. The solution? Good pain meds. We've been controlling the pain via Tylenol until just recently. It's time to break out the big guns now. She made it a very long way into treatment without the good stuff. I'm proud of her stamina.

Hanging out while transfusing. 

She cracked a tooth (back molar) eating a soft flour tortilla last week. I didn't know this was even possible. (See weakened bones.) We can't see a dentist about it until she finishes treatment. We are thankful it isn't hurting.

She gained a little more weight (prednisone/steroid related), which isn't a bad thing at all unless you are a 17-year-old girl and that freaks you the heck out. I didn't realize how much steroids impact a person's body. Watching those St. Jude's Hospital commercials I have noticed how round the faces and tummies are of the children. It's the impact of steroids on the human figure.

We learned a little more about the radiation--it will begin after the finish of Cycle Four and will be performed over three-to-five weeks, every day for five days a week at UAB. No further information yet. I will keep you posted when I know something new and interesting.

We are so thankful for everyone who has sent money, gift cards, gas cards, notes, hats, brought food, called, texted, etc. I know that some of my thank you notes have fallen by the wayside. There is no thank you big enough for the support so many have extended to our family.

The Clinic 8 Entourage--there are another three nurses not
pictured but present--everyone wants to see Big E. 

Elise is stronger than I knew.
She is braver than I'd hoped.
She is more resilient than I prayed.
She is more powerful that I ever dreamed.

I know this sounds odd, but this experience has been a blessing. I know more about my almost grown daughter than most mothers get to learn about their teen girls.  At a time in her life where she would normally be pulling away and distancing herself to jump out of the nest, she and I are face to face daily. To say I am proud of her is a vast understatement. I am humbled by her every single day of this journey. I pray to God that I can be as strong and eternally optimistic as my beautiful child.

Until next time,

Charlotte and the Fun Bus

#BigEkickingtheBigC
#5shorties
#funbus
#funbusdetour
#gangsterstrong
#andstillirise