LESBIANS *GASP*

Well, no one ever has to guess how I feel about anything, since I just put it all out there on the line.

The controversial "promposal". 

So, I wanted to publicly address something that happened two years ago that was so ridiculous I can't even believe I'm going to make a post about it, but here it is. I just can't let some things roll on and this happens to be one of them. I've waited until the time was right to discuss, and that time for me is right now.

Why are Christ's followers so bent on being insanely judgmental about every one around them? I am a professing and practicing Christian for 25 years now, and I just don't get it. I really don't. Why can't you just stay in your own lane and run your own game? Seriously? Everything isn't your business. 

At our school we host a banquet instead of a prom (really semantics). Elise and Kim were the only two girls going to this dinner without dates. (Both were asked by multiple boys who were just not options for a wide variety of reasons.) 

We prom-ed the fire out of our photo shoot

They were simply making a joke out of the promposal stuff going around on the Internet by "going together" so they won't be the only "wall flowers."  (The idea of Kim or Elise being wallflowers is its own inside joke. As if.) 

The entire junior class and some of the senior class helped Elise pull the joke 'promposal' off on Kim. They filmed it. They played music on a boom box held up in the air as an homage to Say Anything. They laughed and joked and were highly amused. I was in the room when it happened. It was desperately funny and actually sort of sweet.

I'm sick and tired of everything in our culture being sexualized. 

I was incredibly close to my girlfriends in high school. In fact, I went to my senior prom with another girl and a boy between us in what could have appeared to be a poly-amorous sister wife thing. (Really, we were just awesome like that.) I wasn't dating or sleeping with either of those people. We were FRIENDS. Perhaps it's a new concept for some of you. (And we had a brilliant time that night!)

Yup. We went there.

So, here's a newsflash, my DAUGHTER of whom I am abundantly proud, went to the banquet with a GIRL who is a FRIEND. For Fun. Because that's what friends do. 

Elise Johnson is not a lesbian. 

Kimberly Hagler is not a lesbian. 

They were not a couple. 

They were not dating. 

Then fast forward six months later and we had cancer--Elise went completely bald due to chemotherapy (which saved her life), and when the little hair follicles started growing back, people assumed SIMPLY from her HAIRDO that she was a lesbian. What the heck? We had people in public places literally glare and gossip because her hair was short. (I thought stories gay people told about being shunned in public were largely exaggerated to make heterosexuals look like jackasses. Wrong. It happened. I heard and saw it myself.)

And it still happened all during her first year in college simply because she had short hair. (THAT WAS FREAKING GROWING BACK FROM CANCER!!!) This was the single weirdest thing ever. Who decided that all women with short hair are gay? What the crap? Even if she had been a lesbian, that despicable, evil, rude, judgmental behavior made me want to jack slap some folks in public. What is wrong with people?

Here’s another truth that might be hard for super judgy pants people to fully grasp in its simplicity: if my daughter (or son for that matter) ever decided that she is a homosexual, I will love her the same way I do right now—completely, irrationally, unconditionally, overwhelmingly, without a single qualm or hesitation, because there is absolutely nothing that can separate my child from my love. Certainly not something as ridiculous as who she loves or does not love. 

We took photos of the girls in the junior class
and then of the boys in the junior class. There are
only two boys:Carter and Liam. 
We posed in front of the chapel
at American Village. 

Because MY LOVE for my child should NOT be CONDITIONAL or it isn't LOVE at all. It's emotional blackmail. "I'll love you if..."

Um, no. I will just love you exactly the way you are. The end. 

The argument that it’s sin or isn't sin is completely moot. It makes absolutely no difference if you think it is or it isn’t.  If I stopped trafficking with every person in my life who “sinned” (perceived or real) EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WOULD HAVE TO GO.  Because all the people in the entire known universe are in sin. ALL OF THEM!!!!!

So, before you call the school all upset and tattle on a child for something that was a complete joke, or start making a spiritual mountain out of a funny little molehill, or you gossip about how someone looks or appears to be, check yourselves.  That casting stones business is painful when it rolls the other way, and I assure you that it will roll back on you.

Carter and Liam posed in front of the chapel
in their boutonnieres, and the comment was made that
they look a little bit like they are a couple getting married. 

God thinks Irony is hilarious as a manifestation of the reaping and sowing principle. You might get to experience having an actual lesbian daughter or homosexual son, and we’ll all get a front row seat to view your Christ walk in living color. Everyone will get to see what your love actually looks like. 😘 Good luck with that, Judgy Pants. 

Hey, Elise? 

Hey, Kim?  

Party on, Garth. 

Party on, Wayne. 

I paid for the matching corsages. 

And we took a bunch of really funny photos too. 

Because FUN BUS.

Carter said, "Which one of us is the girl?"
Liam responded, "Dude, you are in the pink suit; you are SOOOO the girl in this relationship." And
the photographs continued right on. Because it was funny. And is still funny. And will be funny
tomorrow. And if one of them is gay it's still funny, because it was unintentional and sometimes humor is like that.

In fact, the photos got much better. after they decided it was their wedding day. Then there was an entire conversation about Carter's pants and if they were really more Jonas Brothers tight vs fashion-forward modern menswear. 

Probably not gay, although the verdict is still out. We will keep you posted.

2019 Play Notes

2019 Play Shout Outs:

It actually takes an entire village for real for real.

1.) Tatumn, Jenna, and Brandon all sustained head injuries during the play.  And Kasper had to have stitches on move out day--he's our first cut injury. (We've had nails in palms and some enormous splinters, but no stitches.) We usually don't have any incidents on set, but this year we had four weird ones--Tatumn got almost knocked over when some other folks were moving a light box. She carried on. Jenna was brained by an awkward wedding threshold carry when she jumped and he shifted and the scaffolding didn't move. She also carried on. And Brandon was in a car wreck on the way home from the first performance and totaled his car. (The phone pole didn't move either.) He carried on. But the medal goes to Kasper. He came to work day at 8:30, was cut at 8:55, went to the emergency room, got four stitches, then came back and finished the work day. He actually lifted and carried with stitches in his thumb and finger. He officially set the new standard.

2.) We had more fun than I ever imagined doing a country/western production. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is NOT one of my favorite musicals. (In fact, it doesn't make the top twenty.)  But I agonized over the script for this particular senior class. I always try to choose a show that specifically highlights the strengths of the students and represents them well. I cast seniors first, then juniors, then I fill in with appropriate students as needed. It rarely works out as brilliantly as it did this year. I kept congratulating myself over the two weeks. This group of goofy, silly, fun-loving, rambunctious kids were perfect for the play and it was perfect for them. The downside??? I had to listen to more country music in a month than I ever wanted to in my whole life. The upside??? I discovered Big and Rich singing "Rock the Boat" and "Rednecker" by Hardy. #winning





3.) Mia Batchelor and Hannah Littleton will one day rule the world quietly without anyone knowing it's happening. And it will be better than it is now.

4.) Becky and Carl Garrison haven't been just friends for a LONG time--they are completely family. So, Mr. Carl brought the the trailers and hay, and Becky loaned us an entire bleacher worth of gear (literally). She also went to Sam's an hour each way. That alone would have been enough. But then they paid to see the show two nights in a row, brought friends and family, and did every single thing that the kids did to make it roll. I can't thank them enough for all they do to support our family.

5.) Linda Posey came to the play clean up day. She's a grandmother. She doesn't have any kids or grandkids in the play. SHE CAME TO THE CLEAN UP DAY. I'll just let that sink in for a second. And she outworked every kid in the room except like two. It was impressive to say the least.

6.) Thank you to every single person who cooked, donated food, sent snacks and drinks, helped move in, helped move out, loaned us stuff, gave us money for the play, gave us hats, and all the other things you didn't see them do.

&*($# Words

Cursing is always about intent. I can turn any word, even made up ones, into curse words. It’s always better not to salt and pepper your language with base words, because it’s just not terribly attractive, but don’t get confused—if you use the words “blast it!” In place of a cuss word, you just cussed the same way as if you’d used the four-dollar-word. You don’t get to pick and choose which words are wrong or right (outside of blaspheming the Holy Spirit which can’t be justified).  If you use any word with intent, you did it.

For example: If I call you a "fargin bastage" do you think that was an invitation to Sunday lunch or a curse? Before you get excited neither word "fargin" or "bastage" exists. They are made up--but if you yell them at someone, you have literally and figuratively cursed them.

You have to be so careful not to judge someone else's behavior as being "Christian" or "Non-Christian" because every single person breathing air (saved or not) has an opinion about everything.

You watch R movies.
You watch any movies at all.
You eat meat on Friday.
Your skirt is too short.
You play video games.
You watch the TV.
You have a TV.
You listen to any secular music.
You have ever had a glass of wine.
You have ever danced even in a square or with your Mamaw.
You eat bacon.
You don't eat bacon.
You are a female who wears pants.
Or make up.
Or have a job outside of the house.

It's really sort of gigantic grey areas without clear lines or boundaries. It's a personal call.

Signs you actually have a real spiritual problem:

• You always 'go to church' but refused to forgive someone who has wronged you.
• You habitually lie.
• You stir up strife among the brethren. 
• You gossip about things that do not involve you. 
• You purposefully devise wicked or evil things.
• You are proud and unwilling to accept correction. 
• You sing in the choir and discuss how badly/poorly/sinfully everyone was dressed in the congregation over lunch.
• You make up reasons to be angry with fellow Christians. These reasons are usually based on some kind of feeling or opinion rather than facts. 
• You constantly worry about things you have no power to change. 

So instead of running around being the Spiritual Police and monitoring what our neighbor is up to or in to, how about we deal each other a measure of grace instead of playing a game of “never have I ever” 😬 cause I have seen/heard things texted, said, photographed, and written by the Precious Angels I teach (high school students) that indicate we should all use caution before hurling a stone. If you thrown them at me I will aim back. I'm not that good of a Christian.

Spiritual Fruit--Absolutely Unapologetic Bragging

I going to tell you a little story about Spiritual Fruit and The Wonder Twins. 

Elise:
She received the Presidential Scholarship for academic achievement to University of Mobile, and she successfully completed her freshman year at college. She was on the President's List both semesters (all A's). She worked in the Student Success Center at a part time job. (She got this job while doing a mock interview for a class grade--the mock interviewer hired her for an actual paying job.)

Elise has gotten hard core involved with her home church in Mobile and attends The View, the college worship services, faithfully. She also serves most weekends in the 3-to-5-year-old classes. The rule at her church is you attend a service and then work a service, ensuring you are being spiritually fed while serving.

She was filmed for a video played before service about her grace walk with the Lord. The church thought enough of her spiritual walk that they risked putting her story on the main screen. She was also interviewed for UM's "Why UM" and advertised on Instagram for the school.
Elise can't donate blood anymore (Hodgkin's Lymphoma), so she campaigned for the blood drive at her school and almost doubled the donations for the event she worked. She harassed her friends, stayed in the blood mobile and held hands with people who were afraid, and acted like a cheerleader for the people lined up outside (who mostly showed up because she chased them around campus).

She teaches a girl's Bible study on Tuesday nights with about 10-15 regular attenders. She also attends her roommate's small group class on Monday nights. So, E is in church or Bible study a minimum of four times each week.

Elise applied for a highly coveted job this summer with Winshape camps in the traveling co-ed program. She was hired as an employee and will be teaching 3-5 year olds at a VBS on steroids sort of deal for ten weeks this summer. Her training packet has to be memorized before rolling to the ten day training in Georgia, and then she will be responsible for all the kids in her family for the week. She will visit eight states in ten weeks. It's a prestigious appointment with a missions emphasis all summer.

She applied for and won two Student Life jobs next year--RAM Rush Family (this the the welcoming program for incoming freshman who are new to U of Mobile--they put the freshmen into families with a Ram Mom and a Ram Dad who help them navigate the newness of college life and integrate into campus activities.) She will be the most energetic RAM Mom in the history of that program. I can't imagine a better advocate for the University of Mobile.

She also applied for and was accepted to the CAM staff--this is the Fun Bus arm of Mobile's campus. They set up for all major student life actives like the craw fish boil, concerts, welcome weekends, events, etc.

Elise has developed the kinds of friendships at collage that literally last a lifetime. I thank God daily for her people. She did all of that still in her first year of recovery from cancer.

Elaina: 
She received huge scholarships, academic and merit, to Judson College where she has successfully completed her freshman year. Dean's list both semesters (A's and B's).

Elaina was awarded a basketball scholarship from open tryouts, but once she began that endeavor, she decided that the sport, the events, the workload, and the travel were all too much for her freshman year, so she negotiated leaving the team and transferred to working with the volleyball team as stats keeper via the A-Board--she did all of that by herself without any adult intervention.

She worked a student life job in the English department where she has received nothing but the highest of praise from the deans and professors she works for. In fact, they are all arguing who she is going to work for next year when they transfer into various departments. They all want her. And another department secretly recruited her behind the scenes.
She applied for and was accepted at as LAMP (Leadership And Mentoring Program) leader next year. This is the group that welcomes and does orientation for incoming freshman. She will supervise and guide a group of incoming freshman next year.

She participated in Traditions (it's a Judson thing) and joined the Lion Family. She did sneaky, Fun Bus activities, step sing, president's events, presentations, introduced speakers at chapel, attended several formal events and dinners, and developed relationships with many of her professors. She made the short list for the freshman class J-Day court (but didn't make the court). She worked, took a full load both semesters, maintained her GPA, and participated in everything Judson had to offer.

Elaina donated every time the blood mobile was on her campus and encouraged her friends to get in line with her to great results. She is terrified of needles and shots to the point of panic attacks. She worked the campus serve days in Marion and volunteered at many campus events.

She was invited to participate in short term next spring on a trip to Italy where she is taking a religion class and an art/music appreciation class. She's coming home this summer to work and hang out with me and Lillian. We plan on visiting Elise while she's on the road at camp. Elaina has developed heart friends that she has grown with spiritually, emotionally, and academically.

• So, both of my daughters chose Christian colleges on their own without serious prompting from me.  
• Both girls joined their college versions of the welcome staff. 
• Both girls are serving on the Fun Bus committees for their campuses.
• Both girls have part time work study jobs on campus where they were acclaimed for their work ethic, professionalism, and character. 
• Both girls participated in every single Fun Bus activity that their campuses offered. 
• Both girls have been active in their home churches. 
• Both girls adore and get along with their roommates and friend groups. 

For those who spitefully use me or feel compelled to criticize my spiritual walk and influence on the students around me--whip yours out and I'll compare it with mine. Spiritual fruit, that is. ;-) Because when you begin measuring rights and wrongs against your fellow man sometimes you come up higher on the scale and sometimes you wind up short. This year, we happen to be killing it, so back up a few feet and contemplate before coming for my spiritual walk. I guarantee Johnsonville is winning in our current season.

The Vows

What the wedding vows should say. You should also repeat them at your baby dedication to your kids. 

• Your enemy is my enemy. 

• I will stand in front of any danger real or perceived that comes at us from the front. You guard my six. 

• I can say what I’d like about you, but I will physically assault anyone who speaks against you. 

• If you turn into a zombie in the apocalypse I will stab you in the eye and put you down, because that shell you walk around in has nothing to do with who you are. 

• That being said about your outer shell—I will love you pot bellied, bald, stretch marked, scarred, and changed from your present form. I will love you when you are dirty, bloated, vomiting, crusty, leaky, and stinky. I expect you to return the favor. 

• I will also love you when you are angry, difficult, cranky, not a morning person, on your cycle, irrational, and when you aren’t loving me back very well. Basically, I will love you when you are unlovable. 

• It’s a marathon not a sprint. I will carry the water sometimes if you promise to do the same for me when I’m tired. 

• Money comes and goes. There will never ever be enough of it for all of your wants. Don’t waste time arguing about it. 

• Get over yourself more often than not. 

• Sometimes it really is the other person's fault. Forgive them when they apologize. Keep forgiving them when they don't deserve it. Do it over and over until it sticks. 

• Sometimes it really is your fault. Apologize quickly. Really mean it. 

• Endurance is more important than speed or skill. Don’t forget it when you’re in the lull.  

• And finally, be flexible--because love covers a multitude of sins, but flexibility means you bend without breaking, and we are going to need that skill with kids and each other. 

Teaching and Influencing

Random Thoughts about Teaching and Influencing:

My job as an English teacher isn't to shelter your child. It's to expose them to great literature and illustrate truths about the human experience through  that literature while maintaining exacting standards in language, grammar, punctuation, and form. It is not my job to insulate your children. In fact, I can argue that it’s the exact opposite. I am to challenge them and act like iron sharpening iron which frequently requires friction and discomfort. 

I'm raising warriors at my house-- Children who have discernment in a fallen and evil world. It's dangerous to send your sheep among wolves without armor and training. Why would you do that very thing to your child? By protecting them from the world and every single questionable thing in it, they aren't equipped to fight when the day comes. And that day will come.  Sooner rather than later. 

When someone looks at me in the face and says 'I don't really like to read,' it's the same as telling me he is incredibly ignorant and is quasi proud of that fact. I really appreciate the heads up, because your behavior will eventually bear that out anyway. It's nice to have some advance warning.

I speak in front of a captive audience approximately 40-50 hours a week. I’m bound to put my foot in it now and again. I ought to keep lists of things your kids say and do to retaliate when I am called on the carpet, but then I’d be just like you. I’ll take a hard pass on that, thanks. I think I’ll just keep on influencing and let you do the judging. These things always work themselves out without lifting a finger.

I know I'm supposed to respond like Christ, but sometimes I can't help from going Beowulf on 'em. You know, tearing the arm off of my enemy and beating him to death with it? Like that. (Reading ensures you get the joke instead of being the joke.) So don't get confused--I am not Christ. I am a follower of Christ doing the very best that I can on a daily. I'll forgive you for the same.