The Tattling Rule

Have each other's back.

This is exactly, almost word-for-word, the lesson that I have taught my children to be a non-negotiable truth.

In life, the only reasons anyone should ever tattletale are if the person in question is in moral or mortal danger.

Moral danger--this particular tattle is reserved for close friends, not acquaintances or enemies. You are afraid that the person's Jesus walk is going to be damaged by the behavior (sneaking off when parents don't know, lying or covering for sin-- he/she is supposed to be with you when he/she is off doing something else--don't cover up another person's sin or aid in the sin, driving the person places you know he/she isn't allowed to go, encouraging relationships that have been banned by the parents, etc.)

Mortal danger--this tattle is for everyone. The person in question is engaged in illegal or potentially fatal/damaging activities (self harm, underage drinking/smoking, drag racing, freebase jumping at night off of skyscrapers in the city center, sticking his/her head into alligator mouths, meeting strange people on the Internet, about to Superman off of the house roof.)

Protect your people.

Any other topics should be off of the table. Your friends ought to circle the wagons and protect you from outside harm. (This might be the actual dictionary definition of 'friend'.) Because someone who tattles for no moral or mortal danger reason isn't your friend--he/she is your enemy and should be regarded accordingly.

Don't get me started on Anonymous Tattling. I wouldn't entertain that info for a single solitary eye blink. If someone won't publicly call you out on your behavior and is only willing to whisper it into someone else's ear on the sly, it isn't worth dealing with. Go away. No one likes a busy body. (You. I'm talking to you.)

I don't care if it IS true; sometimes you need to
zip it. 

And if you are the tattletale, shame on you. Mind your own business. Because people around you will eventually pay that back to you in kind. (Just FYI--If this pertains to you, this is why you have no heart friends.)

Hey adults, in case you thought this blog was for and about teens---aren't you cute? (If you think this blog is about you, you are probably spot on.)

And hey, I know this is revolutionary as an idea, but what if instead of tattling you went directly to the source and confronted him/her about his/her behavior, prayed for the person, and tried to help him/her resolve a sin problem? (I know, shocking that Christ followers should want to help each other instead of shoving each other into oncoming traffic. It's a paradigm shift for sure.)

Sorry, not sorry. The truth hurts sometimes, but it still needs to be told. Stop tattling. Your character is showing.

Freshman Year Situation in Johnsonville

The Wonder Twins graduated high school and are off to college. They chose very different schools and are separated for the first time. It's been an adjustment.  In weird news, we encouraged our kids to go to college and to go off and have an experience. Yes, I know that it's cheaper (and better for me) if they stay home and do community college, but I really, truly believe that your freshman year is one of those things you never get a do-over on in life. You have to go and do it or you miss out on some very important life lessons. So, we STRONGLY encouraged our kids to look around, tour schools, and choose wisely based on their field of interested study.

This brings us to the weird part--Both girls, separately, chose Southern Baptist Christian Colleges.

In Elaina's dorm room--snacks with friends

Naynuh went to Judson College, which is going to be its own blog eventually. It's an all women's college in central Alabama in Marion. It's isolated. Quiet. Small. Traditional. Conservative and yet wonderfully progressive in the same breath--bound up in tradition and maintaining the old ways while embracing this idea of female empowerment. It's retaining all of the femininity of what makes you uniquely 'woman' while handing you a shield and a battle ax and telling you to go forth and conquer. It's really an amazing place for women to learn that they can, in fact, have their cake and eat it too. She is playing sports, taking a full load majoring in business, working for pay in the English Department as an aid, and keeping up with an active social life.

In Elise's dorm room--snacks with friends

Big E chose a different vibe--she traveled south to Mobile to attend University of Mobile. It's a moderately sized private co-ed college. Of all my kids, I would have pegged her for secular, large universities, so the choice was a little surprising. This school is incredibly clear on its branding message--we are going to have ALL of the fun, get ALL of the knowledge, and give ALL to God while doing it. She is flourishing in her spiritual walk and her classwork majoring in communications. She never meets a stranger, knows virtually everyone on the campus, and has the lunch ladies doting on her daily.

My girls are currently living out a God Life Lesson--if you help you kids learn to discern rather than making all of their decisions for them, they will be able to choose wisely on their own when the time comes. I didn't have to cajole, beg, threaten, demand, or trick my daughters into doing what I wanted them to do. I told them to pray, listen to the Lord, seek wisdom, and be true to who they are as human beings. Both girls did that and still chose different paths headed in the same direction. I couldn't be more proud of how they have navigated their journey thus far (granted, it's only a month in, but still--it's a month in).

Our house is in flux. Pros and Cons of losing two kids at once:

Proposed to on first day

• Grocery shopping is way cheaper now. 
• All of my laundry is always caught up.
• I don't have to cook for a small army any more and forget that frequently, thawing out two pounds of ground beef when one will now suffice. 
• Feeding four people in a restaurant is a cake walk. 
• Carter is the only one asking for money.
• The TV stays off for days at a time. 
• My living room is always clean. 

• It's really quiet. Really, really quiet.
• My huge SUV is virtually useless.
• I don't know where everyone is all of the time. 
• I can't figure out how to work the firestick. 
• No one else knows how to unload the dishwasher. 

First formal event

Game day ready

It's quiet. But in the best possible way. Carter and I have spent tons of time together talking and connecting in a way that was hard with so many voices. Lillian has begun to seek us out instead of holing up in her room to get out of the overwhelming flood of people in our house. It's less frantic with fewer schedules and fewer sports and fewer appointments. 

All that said, I'm thankful my girls went off to college to have an adventure. And I'm super thankful they still want to come home once a month. And I'm super grateful that they are having this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go and grow in new and exciting directions. We are beyond blessed!